MITA! and SHIMODA! dont kill TANNY MOUSE! as much as they should.
SERIAL THRILLAZ! and DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! have a hot night in
Carolina. HIKARI FUKUOKA! rules the gottdam world. TERRY TAYLOR! and
RIP ROGERS! tear it up and other stuff!
ALOHA~!
WELCOME TO THE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #77!
HEY! This is a big one, so print it out and read it on the beach or
something. I got Friday off for the Fourth but I spent five hours of it
watching Hikari Fukuokas Moonsault Stomp on a poor unsuspecting LLPW
gal in super slow-mo, so Friday was shot to hell, but- anyway- here's a
special added Death Valley Driver as we jump back on the every other
week bandwagon next week again! WOO-HOO! Pogo Pete loaned Rev the
NEO JAPAN LADIES (tape) and I wandered into the Land of A MILLION TAPES
FROM LOREFICE AND HESHAM! Including the SWANK Benoit vs Dr Wagner
mini-Clash and cool ass JWP! (READ QUEBRADA! IT KICKS YOUR ASS WITH
ANALYSIS AND STUFF!) The SWANKEST OF THE SWANK, Glenn, sent the
Encore Champ Forums including the Ancient Michinoku Pro I babble about. Phil
the Ripper-
who has the inexplicable vendetta against the perfectly fine Tom Zenk:)-
found metric tons of the dying days of World Class. Schneider kicked in
with the review of the divine OMEGA (TIM!) and his scathing contribution
to a new section Im especially excited about because Im guessing Ill
be getting the most new ones torn.:) ALLRIGHT! But first, lets see
where that Rev Ray is coming from....
!@!@!@!@!@!@ NEO-JAPAN LADIES PRO-WRESTLING "First Kiss"
COMMERCIAL TAPE- 1/9/98
(byREVEREND RAY!)
Some press conference stuff starts the tape. They do the usual "people
appearing on the card show up in ring together." Kyoko Inoue takes the
mic and cries for joy. She hasn't been this happy since the Tokyo
Sizzler opened an all-you-can-eat Sundae bar. Afterwards, Mita and
Shimoda do some mic work, they have a pair of tagbelts with them.
Opening match is a 3 way match where 1 set of wrestlers start and then
the winner faces the odd person out.
Saya Endo vs. Yuka Shiina:
Yuka offers a handshake, but Saya, being All Around Minky Hellcat Bad
Girls Mita And Shimoda's Flunky turns her back on her and Yuka attacks
her at the bell. This match is just sort of...there. Stuff happens,
Yuka puts Endo in a figure four, Endo tries to bite her foot to get a
break. She does it again and Yuka bites her in the head as she does
it. Endo hits the top rope leg drop, but pulls her up at 2 and pays for
it by getting pinned with a hurricarana.
Tanny Mouse vs. Yuka:
Tanny runs in, knocks Yuka to the floor and hits a plancha which has her
landing mostly on the apron. Tanny must be the Japanese women's
equivalent of the Missing Link as she does a lot of headbutts.
Shouldn't that make her Tanny Goat or something? Shiina wins with a top
rope clothesline. Highlight of the matches, Yuka's outfit. And that's
all I have to say about that.
Chaparita ASARI v. Yoshiko Tamura:
ASARI has a cool ring jacket with horns on it and stuff. She opens up
with a backflip and hits a Sasuke handspring body press in ring early.
Tamura hits some weird ass step over toe hold throw that I'm not sure
how or why it works. ASARI gets Tamura in a Reverse Indian Deathlock
and Tamura fights to the ropes, but as she gets close, ASARI tangles up
each of her arms to prevent her from rope breaking. We did not get the
ultra cool TAKA "Bite the ropes" break though. ASARI hits one of her
handspring double mule kicks which connected but didn't look super stiff
and Tamura blocked the second by kicking her in the ass as she flipped
in. Tamura works on her knee a bit. Then drops her twice with two top
rope missile drop kicks. ASARI hits a spinning headscissor out of a
corner for a 2 which is reversed into a sunset flip. Tamura hits a
running stone cold chart busting Wise Cracking Acid dropping Diamond
Crusher. Her second is reversed into a La Majistral type move. ASARI
tries to go up top, but Tamura catches her with another Stone Cold chart
bustin'..... ah.... you know off the second rope. ASARI knocks her to
the floor, hits a nice plancha to the floor, lets Tamura roll in and
hits a top rope drop kick. Northern Lights suplex gets her a two.
ASARI goes up top, plays to the crowd and gets Germaned off the second
rope. ASARI uses a Jason Knight level of stiffness :-p elbow to break
out of a back suplex attempt, but gets caught in a Northern Lights
Suplex. She also gets hit with a Northern Lights Superplex. Tamura
goes up top, ASARI hits her with a 'Rana that looked like it killed her
good. ASARI hits the SkyTwister which has her landing on her hip on
Tamura's knees. It looked totally out of control.
Misae Genki vs. Kyoko Inoue:
Hey, it's Ryuma Go giving out flowers! He's the LAAAAAADIES Man because
of the way he kicked Alien butt at the big Gong Tokyo Dome show in '95.
You know, I recently saw footage of Kyoko from that double hair match
with Bull Nakano against Bison and Aja and Kyoko looks like she's eaten
some of the AJW girls who couldn't make the cut. They start with a
collar and elbow for a bit where Genki pushes Kyoko to the ropes and
slaps her in the face. They do it again and Kyoko overpowers her to the
ropes, but Genki slaps her on the break again, leading to Kyoko going
wobbie on her. Kyoko goes for a suplex, Genki fights it and hits one of
her own and a back suplex. The crowd's really into it as Genki is
matching power with Kyoko. Genki keeps up the heat, but Kyoko "New
Japan Heavyweights" up on her and drops her with a a lariat. She does
her reverse Indian Deathlock where the crowd claps and she shakes her
hips. And man, there's a lot of hips to shake. Kyoko goes for a Romero
chinlock but Genki does her best to power out of it, but finally Kyoko
gets her in it and stretches her in a number of ways. Kyoko gets back
dropped to the apron and knocked to the floor which leads to a Genki
pescado. Genki tries to lift Kyoko up for an Electric Chair Suplex
twice, once Kyoko escaps, once she kicks out from the corner and then
finally Genki hits it. Genki hits a chokeslam on Kyoko. She goes for
it again, they do a few reversals which ends in Genki hitting it as
Kyoko tries to do her springboard back elbow. Eventually, Kyoko gets in
control with lariats and puts Genki away with a powerbomb. This was a
good psychology match and it was really a vehicle to get Genki over.
Genki was able to match power with Kyoko and throw her around and it was
pretty easy on Inoue who has 2 more matches ahead of her this night.
Los Cachorras Orientales (Mita & Shimoda) vs. Tanny Mouse/ Kyoko
Inoue:
You know, I really liked Mita and Shimoda the first time I saw them. I
mean, their probably the hottest monster heel team in women's wrestling,
they've got his and hers steel chairs, they've got Mima's tiny pants...
but there's one major flaw. Their garbage style suffers from
"Uninspired Flair" Syndrome. Stick with me and see what I mean.
-The Piledriver on the table is to the Cachorras as the Flair Flip is to
Flair.
-The "accidentally peg my partner in the head with a chair" spot is to
the Cachorras as is the Flair flop to Flair.
-The Railing Ride is to the Cachorras as the get press slammed off the
top rope is to Flair.
-The double ducked chair throw is to the Cachorras as the manditory beg
off after being press slammed is to Flair.
I REALLY want worship Mita and Shimoda, I mean, the attitude, the tiny
pants, the spinefusing finishers, did I mention the tiny pants, the fact
that Shimoda took an Itoh double stomp from the top of a cage, Tiny
pa...*Slaps self*. However, their matches just don't seem to vary that
much. Come on ladies, mix it up a bit. It's one thing to have a bunch
of moves you usually do, it's another to do them, some of which are
"mistakes" every match.
Pre-match Mita and Shimoda offer a handshake, Kyoko wants none of it,
but Tanny takes it and proceeds to get beat on. They go crowd brawling
and in a good decision, they have two cameras follow the action in split
screen. To their credit, Mita and Shimoda did vary the railing ride by
doing it up in the top of the bleachers. Neo Ladies hires the AAA
camera men so we totally miss the piledriver on the table. Kyoko hits a
cool DDT off the second rope Tanny comes in goes headbutt crazy and then
gives the most obvious blade job to her self since Sandman gigged
himself in Konnan's farewell match in ECW. Tanny is real annoying and
Mita and Shimoda don't kill her dead enough for it either. Mita ends up
breaking the metal "his" chair on Kyoko's head. Mita hits a bad DVD on
Kyoko and Shimoda puts Tanny away with a bad Death Lake Driver.
Post match, there's some mic work which leads to....
Mita/Shimoda/Endo v. Kyoko/ASARI/Tamura:
The Cachorras did the Kaientai DX surfer boy pose on Kyoko and flip off
the ref and Kyoko's corner. Funny spot here Kyoko is reaching for the
ropes, Endo pushes the ropes to her so she can grab them and then stands
on her hands. ASARI hits two of her handspring double mule kicks which
look better and then they get all dickish on Endo with ASARI putting her
in a Camel Clutch and Kyoko and Tamura stick their feet in Endo's
face. The Cachorras return the favor later on ASARI later. We end up
with another Breaking Down In Tokyo segment, but this time we don't get
split screen. They do a spot where Mita goes for the DVD, Tamura drop
kicks her leg, Kyoko goes for the Niagra Driver, Shimoda chairs her,
Mita goes for the DVD, ASARI jumps on Kyoko's back so she can't get
kicked up. The Cachorras do their train wreck segment. Mita and
Shimoda hit sort of a Double Super Niagra Driver on Kyoko, ASARI makes
the save. Shimoda ties her up and Mita hits a DVD for 2. She goes for
another but Kyoko release Germans her. Mita gives Kyoko the DVD on a
chair, kicks her up and gives her one more and the baddies win! Sort of
spotty, but it had it's moments.
$%$%$%$%$ JWP TV 12/13/97 (taped 12/6 Yokohama)
(byDEAN RASMUSSEN)
Sugar Sato/Reiko Amano/Chikayo Nagashima vs Mayumi Ozaki:
HEYYY! JWP takes a cue from GAEA and has the KAORU Realistic Handicap
Match From Hell Concept apply to the Divine Mayumi Ozaki. The crapheads
at WCW should do one of these REAL handicap matches when they finally
get around to realizing that the Giant doesnt draw flies and sucks in
the ring- I can see it now! Super Calo, Damien and Ciclope get some
chairs and beat the holy shit out of the lumbering lummox until he
retires and gets a job installing cable TV somewhere. Luckily for us,
everybody in THIS HERE match in JWP is so good you want everybody to
win. But Sugar- the OTHER future of Pro Wrestling-Sato, Chikayo
Nagashima, and Reiko Amano make it look all realistic, because if there
are more than one of you against ANYBODY, you all should win. Of
course, the fact that OZs underlings beat the living hell out of her
with chairs from the get go really covers all the bases. They win
convincingly. OZ shrugs, knowing that one-on-one she will beat ANYONE
into the ground and laugh as they bleed.
Cooga/Commando Boirshoi vs Kyoko Ichiki/Cutie Suzuki:
HEY! Ichiki got her teeth fixed since last weve seen her- in GAEA when
she retired a couple of years back. Im guessing the large top rope
powerslam by the Amazingly Good In A Lucha-via-AJW Way But Whose
Gimmick Is Just Totally Ridiculous- Commander Boirshoi didnt help IchikiÕs bad
back any because the powerslam was all big and hurty looking as she
crashed to the mat. Cooga is a mountain better in this than in the last
wad of wrestling I saw her botching in JdÕ, but Im guessing that Cutie
was keeping her moving and the Orthodontically enhanced Ichiki was never
afraid to take a big bump to make the less than stellar Cooga look
better. Boirshoi is really good. She proved to me in that Fukuoka match
a while back that she is not afraid to fearlessly take a Flashbacks To
Hotta At Dreamslam Level Total Ass (and rib)-Stomping. Plus sheÕs got
the moves that vary from mid-grade lucha to a sensible powergame for
such a slight lass and shes hitting everything the way it should be
hit- fast and hard. IÕve lost my hang up about it because sheÕs just
too good in the ring, but for her own sake, she needs to lose that clown
nose.
Tomoko Kozumi/Jado vs Tomoko Miyaguchi/Gedo:
JWP wasnt afraid to pull out all the bizarro gimmick matches on this
tape. Luckily, this was pretty good because Kozumi is totally ALL THAT
(I say WELL NOW! So THATÕs what happened to Shimodas tiny pants.
WOO-HOO! Golly. Those pants are so tiny, Brad Armstrong would wear
them.) and Miyaguchi is good and Gedo and Jado let the little ladies go
at it for enough time for it to be a good little match. Gedo makes sure
this doesnÕt resemble the whimsical Michinoku Pro mixed matches of yore
by being quite the Ike to KozumiÕs Tina as he isnt afraid to batter the
young hottie in quite the manner reminiscent of a drunken,
sweatpants-clad guest star on COPS. Kozumi gets her revenge by
Rochambeauing the fat little weird guy right in the store. Gedo and
Jado have been hovering around JdÕ and JWP a lot the last couple of
months for whatever reason. I guess Kozumi and Shiratori are just
better looking than Samson Fuyuki. Okay, I wouldnÕt be guessing. I
mean he has those scars and that gut and stuff...
Devil Masami vs Sakura Hirota:
I usually hate Devil Masami matches these days. SheÕs kinda like Roddy
Piper- should have retired a long time ago and I didnÕt likeem all that
much when he was in his prime. The problem is that she canÕt retire
because all of her fellow elder stateswomen are still having viable
careers and she doesnÕt want to appear to be a slackass or something.
The problem with Masami is that she doesnt have the amazing workrate
and arsenal of suplexes that Jaguar Yokota has. She canÕt beat peopleÕs
asses like Lioness Asuka can. She canÕt feign shootstyle and have
decent stiffer matches like Chigusa has, so there we have it. All Devil
has now is her lame SuperHeel Masami gimmick, which means to we the
veiwing public- Hey, IÕm not going to do anything cool and Well! What
do you know! Im not gonna sell anything either. Scrappy but heavily
unspectacular Chigusa protegee Hirota does lotsa Cross-Armbreakers on
Masamis bad arm so Masami went ahead and SOLD those. Hirota does about
eight Uracans and Devil doesnÕt sell a one. Im assuming that- since
this was on a JWP card- Mayumi Ozaki kicked her right in the fucking
teeth in the lockerroom after this match for diminishing the
effectiveness of her finisher. Hey a scrappy, underachieving, seventh
best youngster in the promotion GAEA chick against a no-selling, no
working senior citizen. Hey! I got one thing to say. This wasnÕt
good.
Dynamite Kansai/Kanako Motoya vs Shinobu Kandori/Mizuki Endo:
Ahh! The LLPW invasion. Im assuming it all hinged on Kandori and
Kansai feuding since the best wrestler in JWP (and the best WomenÕs
Wrestler in the World) Hikari Fukuoka had to settle for stomping the
holy fuck out of LLPW second stringer Yasha Kurenai. This was pretty
great for the simple reason that Kandori sold for Motoya whom I figured
would get totally disregarded in such a meat-grinder of a match,
especially considering that Motoya was pretty much using a lot of AJW
style lucha moves in this otherwise shoothold/powermove bonanza, with
the exception of one kneebar that she got on Endo. Speaking of which,
Endo fearlessly took three FAT ASS Kansai punts to the face that would
have had Toshiaki Kawada crying like a pansy. When they were in, Kansai
and Kandori stayed on the mat mostly- as Kandori went all shootstyle on
Dynamite, working over her arm at length and switching to her sleeper
hold every now and then to break things up. Kansai does get one HUGE
Dave Jennings 62 yarder off on KandoriÕs face though- which is a good
sign- for someone with as serious health problems as Kansai has, sheÕs
still not afraid to work stiff as all living hell. It was a good match
for all the stiffness employed and such, but Kandori was the glue of the
match as she brought in Motoya to the match and established her as a
threat to actually hurt or at least hinder Kandori, which was key. This
is the most pro-style Ive seen Kandori work in a while and she was damn
good at it. Of KandoriÕs contemporaries who were the REALLY stiff
workers- whom I would group Aja Kong, Yumiko Hotta, and Dynamite Kansai-
I always grouped it as Aja as the best worker, the fourth stiffest of
the bunch and third most legit badass; Yumiko Hotta the third best
worker, WAYY stiffest of the bunch, and first most badass; Kansai the
second best worker, second stiffest of the bunch and third most legit
badass; and Kandori as the fourth stiffest, fourth best working and
second most legit badass. The weird thing is that I think I overlook
Kandori for a couple of reasons- the style she works only interests me
if itÕs stiff enough to make it look realistic and Kandori is basically
all mat wrestler- so whereÕs the fireworks? Theres no big suplexes or
kicks and she isnÕt fast as shit like the guys who make Pancrase fun to
watch, so I gloss over her matches on the LLPW tapes unless sheÕs going
at with someone I know is gonna bring the pain. And even then, you get
the Hotta AJW title match where its good but itÕs not THAT good. Maybe
I should watch more of her pro style matches, because that may be where
her hidden strength is. I dunno. This is really good.
Hikari Fukuoka vs Yasha Kurenai:
Hello Yasha! So Long, Ribs. The INSANELY BEAUTIFUL Hikari Fukuoka is
the RIC FLAIR OF JAPANESE WOMENÕS WRESTLING. Glenn, the King of all
that is, sends me lots of LLPW and between he and Mike LoreficeÕs wads
of tapes, IÕve got loads of LLPW and Kurenai has never impressed me a
whole bunch. SheÕs part of Matsumoto-esque weapons weilding clan of
LLPW and thats all you get out of her- you know: That, A few toprope
high impact moves, and JapanÕs goofiest submission hold. And thatÕs all
she can offer up in this match. But thatÕs all Fukuoka needs. She
takes the lame offence of Kurenai and sets up EVERY move to look itÕs
absolute best, so this becomes a really good match, as opposed to what I
was thinking it was gonna be: LLPW chump with too much make-up and bad
zubas sweatpants waiting around for Hikari to cave in her chest cavity
in the most hellish way imaginable- WHICH HIKARI actually DOES later,
but Fukuoka makes it look GREAT as we await the sound of snapping ribs
and writhing pain. The pivotal point of the match is that Yasha has
this pole that she uses to beat on Fukuoka and this constitutes 70
percent her offensive transitions and yet Hikari makes it much less lame
than it sounds since she takes enough shots to make her title reign look
threatened for good parts of this match- which is what the great ones do
in these situations. Eventually, HikariÕs hideous, sadistic toying
ritual that she puts all of her opponents through runs its natural
course, as she hits her Liger Bomb and Moonsault- (which Yasha foolishly
kicks out of); she hits her toprope dropkick- (that, yes, Yasha
foolishly kicks out of); she hits her toprope somersault super-SWANK
double dropkick to the head- (that Yasha foolishly kicks out of);
BUT... As with every match of her title reign, somewhere in the process
of being ritualistically dissected by Fukuaoka, the victim garners one
last-gasp shot at offense. This time, Yasha gets access to her trusty
pole and staves off the fury of Fukuoka for a short while, but in the
end, itÕs as it should be as Hikari gets a WHOLE LOT OF AIR under her
Motherfuckingly Awesome Moonsault Stomp and just KILLS the living
bejeezus out of Kurenai. I mean, IT IS NASTY. BUDROE, YOU WANT
ALLLLLLLLLLLL THIS.
#$#$#$#$#$ OMEGA HANDHELD- 5/8/98 (Wendell N.C.)
(byPHIL SCHNEIDER)
Wolverine v. Black Skull:
Wolverine is Matt Hardy: one half of the best tag team in America- the
Hardy Boys- and a real great wrestler. Black Skull is a pretty green
wrestler with a neat homemade mask and ugly pants who isn't afraid to
bust out the spectacular high spot. The beginning rocked with the
Skull hitting an insane tope-con-hilo and a rolling top rope rana. They
get kind of lost in the middle but have a super hot ending with Skull
hitting a great shooting star press, and trying his rana again which
Wolverine turned into a powerbomb, and then a Northern Lights Suplex for
the win. Skull is pretty spectacular but still a ways away from putting
on a complete match though. Pretty good opener.
Otto Schwanz vs. Venom:
We harshed on Otto pretty bad, after seeing his awful match against
Rambunctious Bobby Barnette in Sanford. Otto even e-mailed me claiming
he was a lot better then he showed. Well he still ain't 1985 era Stan
Hansen, but him and Venom did put on a pretty okay Heavyweight match.
Both guys sold like mothafuckas especially Venom, who also took a couple
of big bumps. The offense wasn't spectacular although Venom hit a
choice powerbomb. I honestly think Venom is one of the top ten
heavyweights in the U.S. and I have no idea why he is not headlining
PPV's right now. Otto doesn't suck nearly as much as I thought he did.
Serial Thrillaz v. Death and Destruction:
Serial Thrillaz are YAIAUESOAWBHHG (Yet another in an unending stream of
annoying white boy hip-hop gimmicks) while Death and Destruction are a
super old-school 70's redneck asskicker team (they give off kind of a
Buzz Sayer/ Dick Slater/ Gene Anderson/ Jack Brisco vibe). This was the
best match on the card, as these guys run a technically great American
tag match (Face in peril, hot tag, heel double teaming, you know it and
love it) with a sprinkling of big time high spots by Kid Vicious,
including a plancha from the stars. Vicious was Ricky Morton and Roger
Anderson wasn't afraid to break out every 70's suplex in Dory Funk Jr.'s
arsenal. Great ending as Vicious hits the insane superfly splash from
Mike Mavericks shoulders as Maverick sits on the tope rope. Great,
great match, all four of these guys are the real deal.
Kid Dynamo v. Willow the Whisp:
Kid Dynamo is the greatest 14 year old professional wrestler this side
of Cicloncito Ramirez and Willow is a champion in my favorite Japanese
indy Battlearts (which is a shootstyle fed which makes the garbagey
flyer Willow being a champ so freaking weird) and is rumored to have an
alter ego in OMEGA. These guys are brothers and they do a bunch of real
complicated spots that you can tell they have really worked on. The
best is a knuckle lock into a powerbomb which Dynamo reverses into a
sunset flip bomb (it looks tres cool; trust me) and a Dynamo springboard
headscissors which Whisp makes look great. Willow took a bunch of big
bumps including two Psicosis front first slides to the floor, and an
insane sequence where Dynamo bodypresses him off the ring apron and he
falls straight back onto the floor from the ring apron with Dynamo on
top of him. Dynamo followed that up with an Asai stumblesault which
almost killed the youngster dead before he could even go to his junior
prom. The middle of this match got real stupid with the ref ripping his
shirt off , and a big valet catfight. But it was pretty top drawer
until that, these two are both great and will only get greater and I
can't wait to see their matches in two years.
Surge v. Cham Pain:
Surge is the best all around worker in OMEGA and Cham Pain is my single
favorite Indy wrestler, so it really pains me to report that this match
kind of sucked. They spent the body of this sucker doing every stupid
ECW chair stunt, including the single most improbable Van Damninator in
the history of that dumb move, as Pain throws Surge the chair and he
places it in front of his face so Pain can drop kick him. There were
some high points as Surge does the Shawn Micheals jump of the ring apron
into the ring barrier bump and Pain hits a corkscrew plancha into the
middle of the audience. The end was kind of cool in a Memphis Power Pro
Wrestling kind of way, as Pain's valet accidentally threw powder into
his eyes, so he blindly DDT'ed her and covered her and Surge hit his top
rope quebrada on both of them. Not horrible but way worse then this
match should have been, both guys are good enough wrestlers to wrestle a
great wrestling match, without all that chair crap. Leave that to
no-talent loads like D-Von Dudley. Biggest disappointment of 1998 so
far.
$%$%$% WORLD CLASS CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING TV (5/89-9/89)
(by PHIL THE RIPPER)
I'm realizing now that WCCW, in some respects, was what ECW is or at
least tried to be early on. It was very angle-driven with a lot of
gimmick matches (two-man thunderdomes, country whipping match,
bullropes) or matches with goofy stipulations (winner can't get fired,
loser has to have sex with everyone seated in the front row, and if you
remember the crowds at the Sportatorium, that was a whole lotta
loving.) Plus, people were not afraid to bleed buckets and take chair
shots right to the noggin. It ruled. To understand this tape is to
also understand WCCW at this time. And this time is the very end of
WCCW right before it became the USWA. That means Eric Embry along with
Percy Pringle are feuding with Devastation Incorporated led by General
Scandar Akbar. Embry and Akbar are not afraid to blather on for long
periods of time. Tojo Yamamoto appears and says "World Class President"
a lot. Phil Hickerson pretends he's Japanese and there is Zodiac/Gary
Young, the only man identifiable by his chest hair. And all the matches
are called by Marc Lowrence who I really dig and obviously had a deal in
his contract that allotted him $500 every time he said "Kerry Von Erich
- Modern Day Warrior". There were other random matches and that is what
follows.
Mils Mascaras/Eric Embry vs. Zodiac/Buddy Roberts:
Hey look, it's Mils Mascaras. He's really out of place. He still ruled
and carried this match. Mascaras does a whole lotta stuff that no one
has seen, right down to goofy lucha submissions, that no one submits to
but are still goofy. And you know what, the Texans loved it. Every
damn second. True they are right next to Mexico but this is 1989. They
appreciate good wrestling. Not like everyone else who chants "BORING"
during a Eddy Gurrerro-Rey Misterio Jr. match. Texas rules. Anyway,
Miscaras get the pin and the crowd pops like monkeys. Oh, for all those
keeping track, I'm guessing Roberts was drunk.
Al Perez vs. Cactus Jack Manson:
In an Alanis Morrisette ironic sorta way, the tamest that Cactus was in
his career was when he was using the surname of Manson. He still was
crazier than most though. Against Perez, Cactus does a crazy bump for
no reason (big surprise) as he flips over the turnbuckle, crashes
through a chair and smacks his head on the wooden Sportatorium floor.
He does the same thing later, sans chair. Meanwhile, you have Perez,
the best of the Black Scorpions, who most people don't even remember. I
think he was in the WWF for one match from MSG and that was it.
Kerry and Kevin Von Erich vs. Iceman King Parsons/Brickhouse Brown:
Parsons and Brown are known as the Blackbirds and they rule. This match
is a loser leaves town match so you guess who is not leaving. It's
still freaky watching Kevin. Is it because his insistence of wrestling
in bare feet or is it because he is still alive? Then there is Kerry.
Man, the more you watch his matches, the creepier it gets. He just
wanders around, spins in circles for no reason, falls down for no
reason, is really sloppy and loose for long periods of time. Maybe it's
just me but the warning signs were all there. Getting back to the
match, the end comes when Harold Harris (You know. The heel ref who
joined Devastation Inc and is now seconding the Blackbirds) jumps in the
ring and gets pinned. So, Harris has to leave and the announcers and
Von Erichs think that Parsons and Brown should leave too. Hey, it's
goofy. It's unresolved. It's WCCW.
Chris Adams vs. Gary Young:
I will admit that I really wasn't watching this match. Hell, why do I
need to watch the pigeon-toed goof Young in the ring. That was until
Adams hits a super sweet extra-spiffy superkick that knocks Young to the
floor. Then Adams hits an Old-School tope. I mean, really Old-School
but, hey, it works. It needs to be seen to be believed.
Taurus Bulba vs. Kerry Von Erich:
Wanna freak out the Sportatorium crowd? How about having their hero
lose cleanly to his own hold and then bleed a bunch and get strechered
out. That is exactly what happens when Bulba slaps the claw on Von
Erich. He wouldn't release it for like 5 minutes. Somehow, Kerry
blades and starts gushing. The EMT's come. People cry. I remember
reading an article about this match in PWI and it did leave the crowd
eerily quiet. I mean we're talking RFK Stadium quiet when L.T. snapped
Theisman's leg. Cool.
#$#$#$#$#$#$# MICHINOKU PRO CHAMP FORUM 1/13/94
(byDEAN RASMUSSEN)
The Great Sasuke/ Tarzan Goto vs Mr Pogo/ Some guy:
Well, this wasnÕt very good. Sasuke does some neato stuff but the
majority of this is Big King Suckass Mr Pogo stabbing Sasuke in the back
with a stick for TEN MINUTES. As horrible as you can imagine. Much
worse than you can imagine when you realize that this is before Sasuke
even had his first skull fracture and was a thoroughly insane
highspotmeister in ANY other kind of match. Pogo was the worst. The
main fun part is trying to figure out which anonymous W*ING/FMW guy is
helping Pogo out. Its Hiroshi Ono or a young Koji Nakagawa maybe. I
await the person to write and say, No, ya lummox! Its Hido before he
started dying his hair. Ah... fun...
SATO vs Super Delfin:
Hey! IÕve seen a blue-screen version of this but NOW IÕve seen what it
actually LOOKED like! WOO-HOO! This is SATO (who later became a fella
know as Dick MuthaF*ckin TOGO) versus Super Delfin- mascara contra
mascara! And itÕs pretty great. These two became A LOT better in the
following two years, but this is closer to the roots of the beauty that
makes Dick Togo so great- very lucha with a lot more lucha than
puroresu, as opposed to the closer balance they achieved a year later
and then the puroresu-heavy matches that dominated the league before
they broke up the teams and decided to go the WWF and WCW and get knee
surgery and everything. The major difference one notices about this
time frame of Michinoku Pro is that a technico SATO isnt nearly as good
as a rudo Dick Togo and the Super Delfin was really annoying when he
didnÕt have Dick Togo beating the living hell out of him. But I
digress... This is all highflying and stuff, with the quite portly SATO
hitting a tope con hilo as SWANK as his late, lamented kick ass mask.
His Phat Ass Senton wasnÕt as Phat and he doesnt have the verve and
abandon that will mark his later matches. Delfin was using every lucha
trick he learned in UWA to bring the Lucha Libre goodness as he hits a
bunch of nifty armdrags and flying headscissors to set up the
highspots. The puroresu ending kicks in though- as Delfin kicks out of
all these awesome SATO powerslams and assorted Frankensteiners. SATO
opts against the Delfin Clutch- Japans Greatest Contribution to the
Preposterous Lucha Submissions Sweepstakes- and succumbs to what would
be a middle part of a Malenko roll-ups series. I loved that this was
the most heat generated at that point of the promotion as Michinoku Pro
was still all whimsical and shit (despite the numerous forays into the
hoary, unwhimsical world of FMW that pepper MPs existence then and now)
especially compared to when MP later went so full-blown Mid-South in
its hard angles and hard wrestling mentality. This is quite a good
souvenir of a lost time- a short time in the infancy of the wild world
of Michinoku Pro when goofiness and fun was more prevalent than really
great wrestling but it made it all right. Get this after you get all
the other stuff that will get you so addicted to Michinoku Pro that you
will HAVE to have this. Not a good primer compared to the other REALLY
REALLY great MP stuff available out in the world of wrestling tapedom,
but a good ninth or tenth Michinoku Pro acquisition if you start
jonesing for the complete collection because of the historical
significance and what have you.
>>>>WELCOME TO THE WHISKEY-BENT AND HELLBOUND CUT-OUT BIN!!
WHOMP ASS!!<<<<
-Dr. Wagner Jr. vs Norio Honaga (NJTV on Samurai 11/22/97):
(byDean)- I never really searched out much Norio Honaga. I loved him in
the 97 leg of the Kanemotos Redneck Ass-Kickers Association vs Ligers
Redneck Ass-Kickers Association feud as it headed into HonagaÕs shining
moment in the fued as he assumed the role of a Japanese Arn Anderson in
the Nagoya Dome ten-man when Kanemoto and Ohtani joined Kaientai Deluxe
and Honaga and El Samurai and Honaga teamed with Seikigun (sans Sasuke)
for the WAY too early swansong of that absolutely brilliant crossover
feud. Here, he and Dr. Wagner- who, at this time, was just beginning to
reach the form that would make him capable to produce the awesome year
he is having so far this year- go at it like too jaded old freaks and
itÕs great. This match is super neato in a WCW Worldwide kinda way-
totally inconsequential and really little but they work it really well
and there are some good moments. Honaga makes fun of the goofy in-ring
roll around a ring into a pose that all luchdores do when they are
showing off. After that they do a big bunch of very Lucha Libre matwork
with each reversing a leglock into an Indian Deathlock. Wagner turns
rudo by the end as he and Honaga start beating the crud out of each
other, with Honaga doing his Old School Headstomper thing to good effect
as it causes Wagner to bust him up in response. SilverKingÕs big
brother hits his tres grand Wagner Driver 97 and gets the win.
-Scott Steiner/Brian Lee vs. Phil Hickerson/Catcus Jack (CWA 10/88):
(by the Ripper)- Wow, everyone is so small .... well everyone except
Hickerson who is still a big fat load. And what is even more pathetic
is that he gets even fatter as P.Y. Chu'I. There are just so many ways
that you can use the words Scott Steiner and roided out freak in the
same sentence, so I'm leaving that alone. This match is from the CWA
and was really weird and well... er.... weird. Supposedly this was
close to being Lee and Steiner's debut match, or at least on CWA TV or
at least in Lance Russell's mind since he kept saying it. The four
basically trade armbars and headlocks for a few minutes. Then Jack
nails Lee with Downtown Bruno's (he's here too) belt or something and
the heels get the win. This is were the fun begins. We get back from
commercial and a second fall has just randomly started. So now the
action picks up a little as Steiner and Lee get in as much offense as
they can and get several near falls. And then we run out of time and
the bell rings and we are told that Hickerson and Jack win one fall to
none. I'm still confused. Hey, but at least I got to see a
pre-exploded Steiner.
-Yumiko Hotta/ Komiko Maekawa vs. Shinobu Kandori/Mizuki Endo (LLPW LIVE
BATTLE 97- 8/15/97):
(by RASMUSSEN)- This has been a good week for Shinobu Kandori as she
graced my VCR. LOREFICE! sent me this baby and Hotta and Maekawa brings
the Motherf**king stiffness in spades as they beat the living hell out
of the unfortunate Mizuki Endo (Hey, Mizuki. I REALLY dig your
wrestling style! I want you to be my partner for these tag matches
where we set up the big singles match. All you gotta do is make Kansai
and Hotta look REALLY tough! This is your big break because we got
confidence in you to look credible in these matches so we can take you
to the next step. Uh, thanks for the big break, Shinobu. Boy Im
bettin shes gonna kick me right in the face, isnÕt she. Oh GOD
YES! Its HOTTA, for Gods sake! Take it from me, she kicks REALLY
hard! And she taught that Maekawa gal to kick real hard too! Its
gonna be a really great, really stiff match like we want here in LLPW.
But yeah, Hotta will kick your head off your shoulders like Tiger Woods
teeing up at Augusta. Yeah, it sounds like this is really... gonna
broaden my horizons... of my wrestling career... its gonna be...
great.) This is really great. Hotta and Maekawa pummel Endo to the
brink of death and Kandori and Hotta are a lot better here than in the
title defense that happens a half a year later. Endo is spunky and
Maekawa finally looks like the ass-kicker they were trying to make her
out to be. Kandori is once again a unifying factor in a match that Ive
seen her in. Kandori as a good worker. Hmmmm...
-Terry Taylor vs. Rip Rogers (NWA 1/90):
(by The Ripper)- It's the veteran from Seymour, Indiana. The
self-proclaimed "Marathon Man". The best of the noisy wrestlers. And
it's the underrated and now best booker in American wrestling. Rogers
is the former, Taylor is the latter for all of you still trying to
figure it out. (And if you don't know the difference between former and
latter, then I'm no journalism maj....er... Aw crap.) There was this
inexplicable period of time that every match that Rogers wrestled was
great. He had two against Brian Pillman, one against Ric Flair and this
match. Taylor and Rogers really click as they work really smoothly,
sell whole bunch for each other and bump even more. Rogers does an axe
handle from the top rope to the floor. Rogers hits a DDT they way
someone should - quick and face crushing. There is my favorite Rogers
move, the airplane spin that leaves him dizzier than his opponent. End
comes when Taylor hits a super-stiff five-arm for the win.
Chris Benoit vs Dr. Wagner, Jr. (NJTV on Samurai 11/29/97):
(by Dean) -This was really cool for a match seven minutes long. Benoit
has this mega flashback to when he was feuding with Villano III back in
93 and he goes full-blown lucha in this baby for a minute there. Wildo
Pegasusooooo does the Juventud Guerrera/Jerry Lynn SWANK flying head
scissors. Benoit sells a whole bunch- including a modified Black
Warrior Pendulum Of Fun Multitwist Counter-Balance Armbar- which has to
be the goofiest move that has ever threatened our boy Benoit. Benoit
eventually beats him with a headbutt, but you can tell Benoits heart
isnt in it. Thats my problem with Benoit in Japan PostHorsemen- hes
a heavyweight powerhouse; a psychotic suplex machine that beats the holy
fudge out of people in the USA. In Japan he wrestles like El Samurai
(and Dr Wagner) would be an actual threat to him. If NJ had anyway of
pushing him the same way as they do in the US, he would have Kensuke
Sasaki being a threat to him, and he wouldnÕt be in these matches that
show up on these Samurai TV undercard shows. Benoit in Japan is spent,
IÕm coming to realize. Benoit without ever getting a belt in the US
against Booker T is a thousand times more fun than Benoit the Guy who
couldnÕt get out of being the eternal NJ Junior Heavyweight also-ran.
But of the match at hand, Benoit is one of the all-time great workers,
so this is really good. Plus Dr Wagner wears the BUMPIN black mask.
And finally, lets throw the lid on this times Cutout Bin with some
closing wisdom from Arn Anderson, as selected by the Ripper from the
Mountain of NWA/CWA/WCCW tape he came across.
"People have been telling me what I couldn't do all my life. A lotta
people call me an overachiever, Zenk. They say you're not big enough.
You don't have a body like Tom Zenk's. You shouldn't have got what you
got in this life. Well, my friend, you look in these eyes and I looked
in yours and I've seen that same fire and I feel I've seen that same
hunger; that will to achieve when everybody thinks you can't. So
remember one thing, Greek God. This might be a grandstand play for you
or a way to get beautiful women. But, by God, that's how I make my
living and I'm better than everybody else. A couple of broke knuckles,
a few stitches makes no difference when you're a world class athlete;
when you're a world champion, you suck it up and go. Now you wanna be
somebody? You wanna elevate yourself? Next week, my friend, make your
grandstand play right on this show. I don't think you're man enough to
jump on me. Bottom Line."
<<<<<< PLAYER HATING>>>>>>>
Occasionally among good hearted people differences do arise. Now we
here at the Death Valley Driver Review have four writers working hard to
give you the best in incisive wrestling commentary and criticism that we
can muster between all women and the whiskey (or something), there will
be inevitable disagreements over the quality of certain matches.
Starting this issue we will provide a forum for a reviewer to take
umbrage with his colleagues assessments of certain matches.
@@@@@ (Schneider takes issue with) Dean Rasmussen's review of the main
event of All Japan's May 1st Tokyo Dome Show:
Dean's review of this match was pretty much overwhelmingly positive:
"This does supply the psychology, the stiffness, and the Misawa and
Kawada required to make this work in the context of a comparison to the
body of work THESE TWO have assembled over the span of their
braincrushingly beautiful careers." Parts of this I agree with, Misawa
v. Kawada is like Flair v. Steamboat or Beniot v. Liger, they are so
perfectly in sync with each other that the match is almost guaranteed to
be match of the year quality, however- in contrast to those feuds-
Kawada was 0-For Life versus Misawa (except for the cheap three way
win), and this match was pretty much assuredly his first win. Also this
match was their first foray into the Tokyo Dome, and was the largest
crowd in All Japan's history. With all that going for it, they go out
their and lay a (in the context of Misawa v. Kawada) big turd in the
ring. Every one knew that Misawa was real busted up, so the psychology
of the match was that his injuries were allowing Kawada to dominate. So
the match was basically a 35 minute Kawada squash; there was no point in
the match where it looked like Misawa had a legitimate chance to win.
It might as well have Toshiaki Kawada v. Evan Courageous for all the
legitimate offense Misawa got in. Now Dean made the argument that
Misawa's injuries kept him from getting off more offensive moves,
however he wasn't too injured to have Kawada kick him square in the face
a dozens times, of smash him right on his dislocated kneecap. I really
don't think executing more offenses would have been impossible in his
physical shape. While Misawa's injuries keeping him from putting up
much of a fight is sound psychology, it does not make for a particularly
compelling match. If you want Misawa and Kawada at their best, check
their 1994 match or their 1997 match, as for this one no matter what
Dean says you don't "wanna see ALLL this."
(RASMUSSEN rebutted with "Yeah ya do", taking a break from watching 8
hours of WAR commercial tapes...)
######## (Rasmussen takes humbrage with) Phil Schneiders reveiw of Rie
Tamada vs Reggie Bennett on the ARSION Virgin Commercial tape:
I donÕt understand what Schneiders issue was with Reggie Bennett in
this match, because after watching it, I was thinking that Reggie
Bennett was really good in it as she was able to sell Rie Tamadas neato
lucha-into-shootstyle moves as well as someone half her size- and its
more impressive because Bennett had to sell all these lucha roll-ups
that turned into cross-armbreakers and all these head-scissor variations
into kneebars and weirdo shit like that. The fact that Reggie- who did
wear an all leather outfit that must have taken a herd of cattle to
make- didnÕt hinder the match and the fact that she wasnÕt afraid to be
really agile for such a young lady of such Ruebenesque proportions makes
me give this mad fat props. Phil says, Imagine if Kendo Ka Shin
wrestled Mighty Wilbur, you would have an approximation of this match.
I say, Imagine Rey Misterio Jr wrestling Steven Regal. It was the
same thing. A much larger wrestler selling the highflying of a much
smaller wrestler to quite effectively create a competitive looking match
out of something that would usually not look competitive. The fact that
Bennett didnt settle for a basic Devil Masami style crappy squash makes
this match a-okay in my book. Phil says, I dug Tamada's new style and
I would like to see it against someone less porcine and immobile than
Refrigerator Reggie. I say that the Fridge is definately and obviously
porcine but as for the immobile section, I say HA!
(SCHNEIDER rebutted with the pithy: "It is true that Reggie Bennett has
not shown such agility since she vaulted over a dozen people to get the
last piece of fried chicken at the ARSION debut BBQ," in between hanging
up his vast collection of Hercules Ayala posters.)
NEXT WEEK: I SWORN! The SECRET WCW HANDHELDS! More NEO-
LADIES! LLPW!
ALL JAPAN WOMEN! FMW! WHATEVER ELSE WE CAN GET OUR HANDS
ON!
For the young and exciting Reverend Ray, the young and exciting Ripper,
the young and exciting Phil Schneider, this is you cool ass pal,
Rasmussen saying Good on ya!
On the back of a winged horse- against a sky of pearly grey- love is
leaflike- you and me , baby.
The Minutemen, the Worlds Greatest Band.
