The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, February 2nd, 1998
What Worked
So. Super Calo is just TOTALLY mentally unstable. He's gotta be nuts to
do that over-the-top-rope diving Senton onto the floor directly into the
guardrail. Much less onto my hero, the man one made me a Jericholic-
Lionheart Chris Jericho- our champion. Super Calo is SO rebuildible and
they should invest the time because he is TOO freakin insane to be jobbing
to everybody all the time. He's kinda like a better business-sensed Great
Sasuke to a certain extent. Jericho is such the great rudo as he made Calo
look even better. My favorite part about the pre-match interview was when
he gave the "turn the key and keep it shut" symbol to that super dorko in
the audience who didn't understand the greatness of our Paragon of Virtue.
Jericho also wasn't afraid to take the phat-ass bump to the floor.
FANTABULOUS match. You, Lionheart. Are WELCOME.
Juventud Guerrera vs Psicosis was tres fantasmic. I loved the ode to
Rey-through-Juventud-assuming-the-role-of-Rey-when-Rey-does-that-El Hijo del
Santo-crucifix-legs-scissors-stuff-whenever-he-wrestles-Juventud spot.
Psicosis and Juventud plays up to Lucha Libre crowd by doing the whole foule
shpiel which seemed to have gotten over with the gringos too, gauging from
the bizarre pop. Psicosis has the SWANK white Spring ensemble that rocks it
like a hurricane as his hair is reaching the old wig's length. Psicosis
kills himself when Juventud drop kicks him as he jumps over the top of the
ropes and we all discover- HEY- the 450 is over. WHIP ASS! I wanna see the
commercial time part of the match. Rematch on Thunder for twelve minutes
would be nice too.
Kidman isn't ready yet to wrestle Ultimo Dragon in a match that can show
the strengths of UD. This match shot for a Japanese style of mat psychology
but Kidman isn't gonna hang with UD on the mat for another four years I'm
guessing and to go total Lucha wasn't gonna happen either so we got a
Mid-Atlantic Indie Lt Heavyweight match, so it wasn't the best of all
world's, but it was still pretty good. I loved the super cretin Lucha
submission that UD pulled out of his heinie and UD has the best corner
hurricanrana in the biz. I'm wondering if the Flock stompdown is gonna lead
to something.
HEY! Regal's back! WOO-HOO! His match against Booker T wasn't that great-
as holes in Booker T's offense gets exposed as he keeps wrestling single and
Regal's had pneumonia for a month so this wasn't one for the ages. It was
still good to see Regal again even if he wasn't working as stiff as he
should have.
Raven is -Surprise!- really good. His match against Disco was pretty good.
I loved the armdrag onto the chair. Disco is the best wrestler with a crappy
offense this side of Shawn Michaels, and DI doesn't seem to be as much of a
shithead as HBK, so that accounts for something. DI takes a couple of bumps
like a man, Raven takes some bumps like a man. HEY! We have a good Monday
match past the first Totally Whip Ass first hour. SWANK DDT.
The pro-Lucha audience was working, especially the guy with the Fishman
mask. "I like my rudos REALLY old!"
I'm crazy, but the Mongo/DBS brawl was WAY cooler than it should have been.
It was loads better than their attempts at actually wrestling.
What Didn't Work
Konan vs Hugh Morris. Ug. Hugh Morris is so... nothing.
Jim the GutAsHeavyAsAnAnvil Neidhart vs Scott Hall was the absolute dreck
of Nitro. Niedhart makes Luger look like Akira Maeda mad on a Saturday
night. Poor Hall had to throw his back out trying to Outsider Edge Captain
KegGut and we all had to watch it. Neidhart is so not good. No. Not at
all. Dusty cheats and whatnot. Woo-hoo!
Hulk Hogan jacking off on screen is fine for ratings, I guess. They should
try to limit him to fifteen to twenty minutes. He tends to run out of
things to say and they got- Hell- 95 other wrestlers I'd rather see. Crap,
probably 100. The sniveling of Bischoff as he smooches the thong-intensive
fat ass of Hogan is pretty funny once you realize that it's not a work.
Hey! Buff puts over Scott Steiner. The Steiners are breaking up. Maybe
the breakup will be so traumatic that they will retire and get a real job
helping the homeless- Scott can volunteer to be an inflatable tent or
something. That would make all this shit worth it. Buff needs to get in
some real wrestling matches again.
HEY STING! IT'S A FUCKING PILEDRIVER! You SUCK. (One hopes that Super Calo
or some other smart Luchadore beat the piss out of the pseudo-Crow for being
such a no-selling shithead with the most protected move in Lucha Libre. Next
time it happens, Lucha goons and a Columbian Necktie.)
THERE YOU HAVE IT!
DEAN!
