Chris Benoit vs. Raven: Call me RASMUSSEN, a freak of nature. Unlike most sane people, I have enjoyed Benoit vs Raven in all its sundry forms and I enjoyed this last go round for all the usual reasons- Raven is REAL good at getting the holy pudge beaten out of himself and Benoit is the greatest wrestler on the face of the earth this month. I'm a bit wary of three-way dance they seem to be setting up for Uncensored but if anybody can make it work, Benoit can. And it would facilitate a Benoit title reign- which is starting to get overdue. Plus Benoit rules the gotdamn earth like monkey.

HEY! Chris Jericho's wearing Juventud's mask to the ring and being the confident role-model that we- all Jericholics assembled- have all come to love. Lenny Lane looks like he is the next guy to get a weird Cruiserweight semi-push because he gets a whole lot in during this one. I don't mind Lane, I guess, though he has bad hair and is gassed to the gills. I mean he works hard, doesn't botch too much stuff, has some medium range moves and stuff. Lionheart is setting up a rematch to Juventud where he's dropping the strap, I'd think and hope. This Juventud thing is gonna be tricky. Bischoff is gonna wanna push Juventud through the roof to prove that he can get Juventud more over without a mask and thus justify taking Rey's mask (and WHO KNOWS after that). The problem is two-fold: 1.) Luchadores will be dropping their masks unduly and without the coolness of a Mexican Mascara vs Mascara match (where you both hug at the end and everybody gets all emotional and its beautiful and mysterious and Jericho doesn't get on the motherf*cking mic to get some motherf*cking cheap heat while a second generation Luchadore loses his fucking family mask) and 2.) when Bischoff gets it in his mind to push someone, you got four big examples to follow- Alex Wright, Prince Iaukea, Glacier and Bill Goldberg. Yep. I'm not at ease about this at all. I mean, Juventud is my favorite wrestler. I worry about these things.

Konnan and Lizmark, Jr. take it to the mat and it was WAAAAYY better than it should have been. Konnan for some reason didn't mail it in tonight and actually SOLD for one of his boys, which he never does. Lizmark Jr used all the neato mat stuff he picked up in EMLL from his dad and Atlantis, and Konnan wasn't afraid to pull off some neat rolly, tumbly roll-ups himself. The postmatch Juventud angle could be REALLY bad if it means that Konan is gonna wrestle Juventud any time soon. If it means that RASMUSSEN is having a fever dream and Konan is gonna bring in some Rudos into the nWo to go after Juventud, then I'm WAY all for this. Especially if it's Antifaz, Black Warrior, Shocker, or Venum. But I think it's gonna suck instead.

Yuji Nagata and Saturn was pretty cool in spots but dragged a whole bunch in other spots. The spots that worked were filled with stiff kicks and dangerous suplexes so I thought it worked well enough. Neither of these guys can carry a match for some reason, but can be carried to something truly beautiful because both have a LOT of raw resources. This wasn't beautiful or anything but it was too large in scope to say it was a failure. Hell, they gotta fill TV time, it might as well be Saturn and Nagata trying to instill psychology in a match between fat ass suplexes and lung detaching kicks- though their focus was too blurry. Hell with it, it's stiff enough to work in my book. for free. on Monday night.

Vicious and Delicious taking on High Voltage was really beautiful. I love that these guys are gonna be New Japan slaveboys for a year and they look way better already. Of course, Buff and Norton are quite familiar with the NJ style so this had to work. Buff was feeling it and was working as stiff as he was working in those nWo Japan six-man matches with Yamazaki and Hashimoto. Norton was almost feeling a NJ flashback as he actually did some actual movement around the ring as opposed to doing what he usually does in the states- which is thank God that Shinya Hashimoto is an ocean away and stand around and work looser than Lex Luger. This was pretty great. The Blockbuster STOMPED my ass with manly goodness as did the springboard bulldog on the unsuspecting Buff by Rage, future heavyweight champion of the world. Now, get the hell back to Japan.

Eddy Guerrero rules and carries Disco Inferno to a decent match now that the DI honeymoon is over after he couldn't do anything with the vastly superior LaParka and LaParka could do nothing with DI. The fact that the best wrestler on earth -depending on who Benoit is wrestling- carries you to a good match doesn't get you out my little doghouse that easily. Next week maybe.

Rick Steiner beats the holy dogcrap out of Vincent- which would be fine with me if it wasn't someone as equally deserving of gigantic ass kicking. Rick Steiner beating the hell out of his first nWo member because he was double crossed by his own brother is pretty cool and all, but it's still the frickin Steiners. You can dye Precious Paul Steiner's hair blond and- hell!- make him wear a tiara or something, but he's still gonna stink. He does look cooler than he EVER has, but let's not get carried away. It will be fun to see how WCW handles this truly hot heel turn as compared to the WWF's total mishandling of British Bulldog's super hot heel turn. But this match was nothing in the way of wrestling. Both these guys suck.

Booker T. wrestles Renegade. Hmmmm. I have no beef with Renegade. He's improved from worst wrestler on TV ever to quite a spry stiff- which is more than most of the hideous stiffs on WCW can say. But this is one of those things I'd fast forward through if it came on WorldWide. And this is freakin Nitro. Booker T needs opponents and this would have been a good time for Eddy to make his presence felt. Or Buff. Or somebody else who could be an interesting match-up later down the line. But HEY! It's Renegade! YESSSS!

Ric Flair vs Brad Armstrong. God I'm so tired of BOTH of these guys. At least they made an effort, but it's Brad Armstrong. He can be and he is a great wrestler but the fact that he has jobbed to absolutely EVERYBODY (HELL, I think my grandma took him to a time limit draw) pretty much puts this match into the Renegade vs Booker T realm of WHO GIVES A CRAP? I mean, it's not like that Lenny Lane or Kaz Hiyashi match where those two could be getting a push anytime soon and they might get an upset or something. Armstrong is a younger better version of Bobby Eaton- wins on WorldWide, losses on everything that humans actually tune in for. Thus my interest wanes.

Sting vs. Scott Hall was a big heaping stack of nothing. Why do these shitheads even show up if they are gonna do this little for the viewing audience? Why do people like this shit when there are two hundred better wrestlers within a hundred mile radius at any time they are in the ring. This shit sucks yadda yadda yadda forever and ever amen.

Hulk Hogan and Bischoff babble about NOTHING forever. If the old hulkster hadn't made his testicles ascend back into his body cavity back in the eighties by taking all those steroids, he might actually reach a climax to all this public, televised chicken choking and get back to trying to drag Sting sorry, no-working, no-selling ass to a decent match.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN!

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