QUANTITATIVE MATH: Chris Jericho's pants with the 1,004 on the hinder and
the Juventud's mask insignias on the side is (<,>,=) Chavo's "My Favorite
Wrestler is Eddy Guerrerro! b/w CHEAT TO WIN" customized T-Shirt. EXTRA
CREDIT: If the morons at WCW marketed the Eddy T-shirt, how many would they
sell? (hint- (Pounds of fat in the Giant)x(amount of money the government
gives in Cale and Mustard Greens subsidies during a five year span)x(the
amount of spots Sabu blew in 1996)+(the amount of stars I gave Chris Benoit
vs Ice Train, the one where Ice Train started crying while trying to no-sell
Benoit beating the holy fuck out of him ((hint: Million Billion)))
MULTIPLE CHOICE: Juventud vs Our Role Model was absolutely perfect because
they gave it plenty of TV time thus enabling them to extend the Manenko
angle and have a psychology-drenched seven minute match but they did go over
the Cruiserweight amount of [a.) girly long hair, b.) cheesy disco-boy
sun-glasses, c.) screwjobs] allowed by me ever.
MULTIPLE CHOICE: Raven going over Benoit was good thing because [a.) Benoit
at least beat the piss out of him and Raven took it like a man, so to speak,
b.) Benoit debuted the triple Locomotion Floatover Northern Lights Suplex,
c.) Benoit now gets to wrestle somebody he doesn't have to dumb down his
offense to at Spring Stampede, d.)all of the above.]
FILL IN THE BLANKS: The best part of Dave___ Finlay and the _____ Dragon
wasn't that new bleached _____ that Finlay was sporting, but the fact that
they both kicked the holy_____ ____ out of each other- right in the back.
Finlay could definately pull Goldberg's _____ through his______ and shove
Goldberg's ______ right up his_____ and pull Goldberg's lungs out and use
them as a life preserver. WCW is _____ of _____ in a five pound bag for not
pushing Ultimo Dragon or Finlay hard enough.
ESSAY: Scott Steiner and Ray Traylor buck the system and have a
semi-watchable match. Explain how this phenomenon occured. How did it
compare to each of these wrestlers best matches of their career (Traylor
diving off the top of a cage against Hogan or that bizarre MISAWA match.
Steiner being carried by Hase in Japan)? How did it compare to their worst
matches (Too many examples to even contemplate)? What do you suppose
Traylor eats in one day- one box of Twinkies? Two?
WORD PROBLEM: How much hay and peanuts would an elephant have to eat to
create enough elephant poo to equal the wrestling skill of Jim the Anvil
Niedhart? Of the elephant, the hay, the poo, and the Anvil- which would
have the better workrate? Which would you have less of a problem jobbing
the vastly superior Mike Enos to?
TRUE OR FALSE (a): Davey Boy Smith only has good matches against Bret or
Owen Hart, Vader, and Shawn Micheals.
TRUE OR FALSE (b): Bret or Owen Hart, Vader and Shawn Micheals were
directly involved in the Neidhart/DBS vs Enos/Bloom match, with Michaels not
even using that lame super-kick he usually uses, but- instead- doing one of
his dangerous suplexes that won him the Triple Crown back in 89 against
Jumbo Tsuruta.
GRAMMAR (circle the correct conjugation): In the Scott Norton vs Chris
Adams match, Scott Norton was a (Not-solding, Non-sellering, No-selling)
piece of shit.
Historical Fiction Essay: Hogan and Bischoff came out and spoke a whole
lot. Your instructor's eyes glazed over so he OBVIOUSLY couldn't get the
full gist of the oratory. Using a liberal dose of historical revisionism,
make up something that they could POSSIBLY say to cause me or anyone with an
IQ over 36 to actually give two fucks.
WORD ASSOCIATION: Pat Boone is to LITTLE RICHARD as Sting is to ______.
Scrotum inflamation is to HEALTH as Bryan Adams is to _______.
Intestinal Parasite is to FECES as Ed Leslie is to _____ Hogan.
THERE YOU HAVE IT. Have a wonderful weekend. Read Chapter 13 through 19.
DEAN!-
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