The Monday Night Jericho Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Night Jericho by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, March 23rd, 1998
What Worked
WCW is definately the worst girlfriend or boyfriend you can possibly have-
depending on your sexual preference or lifestyle decision or whatever it
takes to beat a metaphor into the ground (so to speak). I mean Thunder made
you want them to bring back the AWF (HEY! I just read that they are bringing
in Nailz so maybe they are! BOY! THIS IS GOING WELL!!) and then Nitro comes
around this week and does everything right. Maybe me and WCW should get
some councelling or something. The bitch. Once again Eddy Guerrerro and
Chris Jericho battle it out for coolest thing of the night- though this week
it isn't apparel. I THINK I laughed more when Eddy forced Chavo to
apologize to Grandma MORE than when our Legacy accused Larry Lane of horking
his Loverboy tape while stinking up his "gear". Lenny Lane had the extra
distinction of saying the word "dollars" just like the paperboy in the movie
BETTER OFF DEAD and that kicked this whole angle up about ten notches. Both
angles were truly beautiful just because it meant half-way decent matches
would be wrapped around the sheer FANTABULOUSLY MEMPHIS angles. Maybe Jimmy
Hart is booking the Cruiserweights now, who knows? Actually, Eddy would
have to get the win this week just because his little corner of angle-heaven
caused TWO neato matches- Ultimo takin out Chavito and Eddy bustin up
MUTHAFRICKIN SHIRYU, so by doing the math (COOLEST WRESTLER ON EARTH+COOLEST
WRESTLER ON EARTH+SECOND COOLEST AND BEST ACTUAL WRESTLER IN KAIENTAI
DELUXE+CHAVO THE IMPROVED LIL FELLA > OUR ROLE MODEL+LARRY THE SASUKE
KILLER) it's Eddy in a walk. HEY! I'll see both on Friday at the houseshow
in Charlottesville- a burg where I used to love a young lady before she
broke my heart, back in the halcyon days of my youth. Ahhh sweeet boooze....
Psicosis killing Lodi was pretty great. I'm guessing that Lodi actually
broke his ankle on the bump before the ringpost moonsault by the way Lodi
collapsed like a 1994 WCW PPV main event when Psicosis landed on him.
Psicosis' hair is getting big enough to dwarf the wig he used to wear. It's
time for the real Psicosis push already. The good news for Lodi is that he
can just do what he's been doing and still get the same mountain of heat-
but just now he'll do it on crutches. Mad phat props to Lodi the NC native
for going out with a bang. You're ankle was crushed a REAL cool looking
highspot, if that's any consolation.
Konan really worked his wildly inconsistent hinder off in a match where he
puts over Master Of Bookerman Hypnosis, Prince Iaukea. Did this WCW Latina
deal include WCW giving Promo Azteca 8000 bucks a week for TV production
improvements in return for Konan putting over everybody on the roster in
alphabetical order? Buddy Lee Parker- you're on deck! Prince is a better
worker than everybody at the top so I'm not gonna begrudge his push. I
mean, if they push Psicosis and Ultimo also. More.
Despite the comical ending, Benoit beating the holy jumpin' crap out of
Booker T was really great. The actual match was kinda goofed-up in spots,
but the parts that worked rocked like a hurricane- the locomotion suplex,
Northern Lights ode to Hase the king of all fucking wrestlers suplex, the
blood-curdling chops, the basic overall shit-stomping stiffness- I loved it.
Booker T didn't get much in, so I'm guessing that they are heading for a
feud and they wanted Benoit to look good against the much larger man- so
this worked. Booker T's big match of offense is next I guess. This on PPV
would really whip ass since Benoit is a better fit for Booker T than Eddy-
because Benoit is the World's Most Talented POWER Wrestler and Eddy is only
the World's Most Talented Wrestler. Booker T being a good Power wrestler
matches up with Benoit better because they can beat the holy fudge out of
each other and it doesn't look like such a size difference problem. And
then Eddy can challenge Benoit for the TV belt for nine straight PPVs and
I'll be happy as crap! WOO-HOO! And a SPINEROONI to boot! JIM'S WIFE!
Page vs Sting was WAAAAY better than I expected it to be. Maybe DDP should
start challenging for the World title more often because he's now had a good
actual wrestling match against the big load, Hogan and a good actual
wrestling match against much bigger load, Sting. Hell, he had THREE good
matches against Savage. My guess is that Page is currently the best
wrestler of that style- 80's US Pro Style, and that's why he does so well
against the old guys and looks like such dogcrap against Benoit and 90's
Japanese style guys- too much of a style clash. The finish was clean; Sting
remembered his last good match (Cactus Jack- falls count anywhere) and tried
to work for the first time in a while. I got no complaints.
Fit Finlay REALLY beat the Merciful Dogpoo out of the fluffy and luxurious
Lorenzo! MAN OH MAN I WAS DIGGING THAT THE FUC... oops! That was WCW
Saturday Night. Sorry! But anyway, it ruled...:)
What Didn't Work
Hey! It's the Giant. And he's taking on Hogan and Nash. When Hulk Hogan-
in NINETEEN NINETY-EIGHT- works muthafuggin CIRCLES around your fat ass and
you're HALF his age, it's time to get that forklift-intensive career. I
mean I respect guys who drive forklifts. More than I respect the Giant,
that's fer sure.
Scott Steiner and Wayne Bloom really stunk up the joint. Steiner gets
slight props for writing "SuperStar" right on the part of his pants where
they house his funny parts- thus courageously drawing undue attention to his
steroid-ravaged genitalia. Bloom is so spooky lookin' in a Montreal
afterhours club kinda way.
Piper needs to stop. NOW. Go home. Back to Oregon. Remember that GOOD
match he had? Well- THAT WAS FREAKIN 19 and 83 and AT LEAST GREG VALENTINE-
God bless him- HAS THE DECENCY TO ONLY APPEAR OCCASIONALLY ON SHOWS THAT HE
KNOOOWS I TAPE SO I CAN HAVE THE LUXURY OF FAST FORWARDING THROUGH THEM.
Stop it, Piper. Stop it right now. You were never even HALF as good as
Flair and even HE can't do anything good now. Imagine how much of an
embarrassment you're becoming.
Goldberg Goldberg Goldberg. To paraphrase Hangman Tim, they tried to market
a Goldberg t-shirt but it wouldn't sell.
British Bulldog wrestled I think. I can't really remember who though. Me
remembering anything about a non-Hart or Vader DBS match would be like me
remembering to put out the recycling every other Wednesday. It just ain't
gonna happen.
A Bat Match? You've GOTTA be fuckin KIDDING me. The thirty dollars is
STILL safe.
APOLOGIZE TO GRANDMA~!
DEAN!
