Hiya! This is the last week that this will be so frickin late. The cd is all mixed so I can actually get to read the internet, watch tapes, listen to these SWANK~! Velvet Underground bootlegs that I just got, update the DVDVR page and begin to start recognizing my family again. But enough of the ear-piercing whine and pathetic unmanly excuses...

HEY! Rey and Kidman get the tag straps! I see that Bookerman Nash has some sort of Anti-Baba syndrome and has bizarre hard-on for little guys. Benoit really beat the living shit out of the Cruiserweights and I'm all for Kidman/Misterio vs Raven/Saturn vs Benoit/Malenko. This looking like that first Three-Way dance angle from ECW in 1994- except the booking isn't as sharp. But the talent is GARGANTUANLY better. Rey and Kidman in place of Public Enemy and Saturn and Raven instead of Taz and Sabu? KICK ASS! Malenko and Benoit as evil bastards is a lot more fun as a tagteam. Benoit and Malenko are more fun when they have a obvious and much-justified contempt for the US wrestling audience and it plays far more naturally. This is closer to what would get them over again, since everyone loves a Horseman that will kick your ass. Everyone hates a Horseman as a House A'fire. I like the fact that the WCW- in its amazingly goofy booking- has suddenly created the US tag titles all over again- and I'm all for that. To see how stupid the WCW is, we'll have to see how long Rey and Kidman keep the straps and how long Rey keeps the straps. I'm guessing that Rey wins at Stampede (which looks like something I may actually get!), Kidman and Misterio lose to Raven and Saturn at Nitro, Benoit and Malenko get the title shot at whatever the next PPV is. A cooler way would be for Kidman and Misterio to hold on to the straps for a ridiculously large amount of time- winning the World, TV and US straps along the way. Sort of a Gaijin J-Crown. The Nitro girls could double as belt ladies. If they opt for the three way taqg feud, they can go as Sports Entertainment and Memphis with this as they want because the wrestlers involved would supply the cool match in the ring. I loved the Mickey Rooney and Julie Garland feel to Rey going up Kidman and talking him into doing the match. "We can PUT ON A SHOW!"

Chris Adams is fucking FEELING IT the last couple of weeks. First he and Finlay have a super ass stomp on Thunder a couple of weeks back and now he and Booker T have this Sportatorium Classic. Chris Adams shows in this match the key to why Steve Austin is a great wrestler. Adams taught him that you don't have to do flashy things- all you have to do is things that look like they hurt and if your opponent sells them well, the audience will be drawn in. Adams puts on a clinic here as he does all this low impact, credible offense that Booker T sells sufficiently enough that the crowd and the veiwers can buy the fact that this old guy, who's best days are behind him, can have a real good night and get Booker T in trouble in this match. The Powerbomb was pretty beautiful and Adams hits the best Superkick in wrestling. Notice that he protects his finisher by hitting it outside the ring so the psychology is that the opponent can recover in the time it would take to get him to the ring. Subtle things make the Chris Adams bizarre hotstreak fun. This was WAY fun. And Booker T rules too.

Jericho was great ON THE STICK! with the whole I Hate Memphis Tennessee thing. Then he and Flynn have a fine little match where the fun part is Jerry Flynn covering like a champ for all the fuck ups in the match. The best was Flynn going for the heel hook after Jericho fucks up the Catapult Into The Turnbuckle Spot. They also do that hilariously botched multiple roll-up thing. Jericho hits a nice Quebrada and Flynn fills in the rest with his journeyman-yet-committed-to-his-craft wrestling stylings. I like the fact that Flynn kept doing cool counters to the Lion Tamer to the point that Jericho cheats to win. TV WRESTLING!

BUFF~! and Smiley have a good little match. It's good to see BUFF~! back and it looks like he's ready to take the next big step. He could be so over as face and he's so good in the ring. I try not to think of how great he would be right now if he hadn't had a year of rehabilitation to deal with. (Heenan's comments about breaking his own neck and his respect for BUFF~! for being back in the ring actually had teeth this week because I watched a bunch of AWA Chicago with Heenan FRICKIN DYING for Seventies Chicago galoots enjoyment and I can see how Heenan ruined his own neck. Heenan also wasn't afraid to bleed like Bobby Heenan In The Seventies.)

Hey! Konnan and Vincent. Vincent is proving to all the nay-sayers and bed-wetting ninnies that he is far from worthless. Vincent is also proving that he ain't no fuckin Ted DiBiase and that's what it would take to carry Konnan to a watchable match- now that Our Lord And Saviour El Hijo del God, Latino Jesus is still a couple of months away from returning to the ring and feeding the multitude with the seven loaves and seven fishes that is Konnan. Notice that Vincent tries to drag ANYTHING out of K-Hog and Konan responds by selling in the fetal position for five minutes. Vincent does the comical backrake ANNND interrupted young Mr Ashikoff mid-tired-catchphrase so this was pretty close to working on it's own pathetic level. HEY! This is cool- Stevie Ray and the rest of the NWO Black and White talk really really fast on my TV screen. IT'S LIKE THEY ARE AUCTIONEERS! Oh, that's my fast-forward...

Ric Flair was killing me with the I Hate Canada bit and then Diamond SCUM Dallas BANG Page shows up and I instantly lapse into a coma. It's SO over for you, my old old friend. AND WHADDAYAKNOW! IT'S STING! Oh wait, it's just the Crappy Sting as opposed to the great great NWO Sting so to hell with this whole segment. The match that Hogan and DDP had was actually pretty watchable in parts when you get past the Hulk-up, the HILARIOUSLY loose first five minutes and the REALLY COMICAL inability of two big fat old guys to destroy a set that two drunken teenagers could destroy in twenty seconds if enough bottles of Nyquil were involved. Hogan taking it to the mat like Nelson Royal was too weird not to work but there was too much to hate overall.

Scott Norton is not a horrible wrestler. Hell, he was fun in Japan before he decided to mainline the New Japan No-Selling Monster psychology and stink up match after match in 1998 and 1999. Here he decides to sell almost everything in some sort of attempt to get on MY goodside. Sorry, Flash, the only way you get on MY goodside with a Rick Steiner Match is to beat him into oblivion for a real, real long time. This match sucked for new and amazing reasons because no-selling Sloppy Handbag Of Fecal Spray called Rick Steiner actually tried in his own clueless, primitive way to sell throughout the match for Norton. I dunno what caused the horrible smell. I think it was the monotony of Norton's offense and disinterest Steiner shows towards actually having to do ANYTHING ever in a match to make it interesting. Then they blow whatever they were trying and decide to totally tank this one. Boy, Rick Steiner really sucks.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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