HEY! Heenan made me laugh a whole lot with that "Billy Kidman was 25" line after Kidman took a bump that made Black Warrior say, "Jesus Christ, that was insane. Are these guys stupid or something?" Past the manic shock thrill of the Belly-to-Belly To The Abyss, this match was REAL fricking good and the fact that the screwjob made sense in the context of the storyline (as opposed to the chickenshit screwjobs on every other match this fine night) and set up the quite possibly swanky PPV match- which seems to be far hotter than WCW would have imagined. This is definately Memphis booking at it's most basic and if the wrestlers are as great as the one's involved in this little angle- all it will do is work since they can wrap it in wads of choice wrestling. Raven is...uh...600 times better than John Kronus and the Eliminators were the best tagteam ever!! in the history of ECW! in 1997! Raven and Saturn were pretty great as they made with the 80's double team moves- but with 90's nastiness! WOO-HOO! PLUS they finally made Kidman's transitional move make sense- just because after the mansized ass-kicking that Kidman took, who'd a thought he would still be able to hit his Anti-Powerbomb facebuster!?! Kidman vs Nash at Starrcade. I'm guessing. And that Death Valley Bomb was to die for because Rey Misterio Jr is a MAN. The bigger picture is pretty neat- in that Benoit, Raven, and Saturn can crank up the hardcore brawling to state-of-the-art levels and Malenko can really... uh...DOH!

MENG and Scott Steiner had a match for the US title tournament. I'm so really starting to not despise these two all the time like I used to and this match was a good indication as to why- as both beat the hell out of each and actually took some bumps as that went all suplex crazy. Meng is actually working his way into his pants, which is a good sign. Uh... okay.

Lizmark Jr and Konan did a bunch of half-speed lucha matwork- which wasn't like Mr Niebla and Blue Panther or anything, but it was a neat alternative to the usually amazing listless and shitty Konan squashes that we- as viewers are served up, so this worked as barely as humanly possible.

Buff and Bam Bam were having a good little New Japan heavyweight match until the stinking decrepit Ghost Of ECW Booking Past (1997 to be precise) sweeps in and we have the useless run-in by Sandman and Chastity. Why was Buff in this? Is Buff on the PPV? Is BamBam getting de-pushed? If so, why is BamBam on the PPV and Buff not? Since Buff can't go over clean because BamBam is on the PPV and if Buff can't put BamBam over clean because BamBam is being depushed and Buff is being pushed, WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY IN FUCKING RING TOGETHER? Was this booked AFTER the match started? This is just chickenshit booking. Buff and BamBam looked great in the ring though- especially the bumpirific BamBam.

Oh fuck. Hacksaw is back. I see that they took out his kidney so he could beat cancer, but they couldn't take the suck out of his horrible ringwork. I'm glad your alive and shit but you still suck in the ring and you're on my goddam TV set. Oh well. Maybe somebody fighting cancer will get inspired or something so I'll just lean on the fast forward and shut the fuck up.

The NWO Battle Royal. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This was amazing. It took Billy Kidman being suplexed over the top rope to the floor to wake the crowd from this mind-destroyingly horrible match. Does Hogan hate his nephew or something? Vincent tried to polish this turd, but you know what you get. Stevie Ray wins- which is fitting. I hate to bring it up, because someone at WCW may read this and remember- but where was Scott Norton? OH WAIT! I meant to say- OH YEAH! BOY, THAT SCOTT NORTON SURE WAS ELIMINATED EARLY IN QUITE DRAMATIC FASHION THERE! BOY! THAT WHOLE "WHO IS RUNNING THAT NWO BLACK AND WHITE" SURE IS SETTLED NOW! STEVIE RAY IS THE TRUE KING OF THE ROOST NOW BOY! FINE FINE BLOWOFF TO A FINE FINE ANGLE! KUDOS TO THE WCW BOOKING COMMITTEE AND A MILLION BILLION STARS!! Whew!

Hardcore Hak vs Kendall Windham was the worst thing I've ever seen in this amazing hit and really miss Big Two "Hardcore" genre. I'm trying to think how horrible this was in the context of all garbage wrestling. Hmmm... Kojika comes to mind. Maybe between Kojika vs Mr Pogo and the ballooon death match where Kendo Nagasaki pussed out like a pantywaiste. I still can't hate Sandman just yet though.... This was SOOO not Finlay/Regal or Benoit/Sullivan.

The Main Event- the work wasn't that bad when Flair was selling for Hogan and when DDP and Goldberg were together- where it was magic for some reason that I still can't explain. The ending was horrible in that- a.) it was a very hackneyed screwjob that sucked dick, b.) Nash was late to the ring so Hogan had to kick out of Goldberg's finisher, thus killer whatever lustre that august finisher had left with the rubes and c.) it facilitated a horrible bait and switch: You and I tuned in with baited breath to hear the Big Announcement from Sting and instead we get the Big Pointing Of The Baseball Bat At The Screen Where Randy Savage Is Making a PPV Addendum- from Sting instead. So much for prophetic words from God as Sting returns from the mountain top. Hogan took it the mat again and Thank You Hulk Hogan- for making us chuckle darkly about clotheslines.... again.

Did Mikey Whipwreckt flee to Bolivia or something?

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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