SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! I was on the floor when Eddy started in about Uncle
Mondo being kicked out of the Lowrider club because his nephew was a loser.
I'm glad that Chavo apologized to Grandma and tried his best. And who the
f*ck do I have to KILL to get one of those shirts?!?! I mean, my favorite
wrestler IS Eddy Guerrerro. Not that I cheat to win or anything.... The
actual match was okay as Ultimo Dragon directs the runaway Chavo Guerrero,
Jr. to a solid effort, though it was highspot depleted and kinda clunky. I
wanna see Eddy/Chavo vs UD/KAZ already!
Chris Jericho quotes Eddie Grant and I'm stoked. He's wrestling my
favorite wrestler, Juventud Guerrera, and I'm double stoked. This was cool.
Stiffer than it was high-spot intensive. Psychologically sound as opposed to
breath-takingly insane. Cool fake finish but our Role Model REALLY needs to
work on his selling after that Hawklike shitty no-sell of the Juvi Driver.
I was digging this though.
ALLRIGHT! La Parka, Psicosis, and El Dandy beat up on the Groupo Revolucion
boys- Tokyo Magnum, Shima Nobunaga, and Judo Suwa- after Magnum Tokyo does
the Latin Lover-styled Chippendale dance and gets smoked by KING of COOL, my
favorite wrestler- LaParka. LaParka is wearing what looks like a diaper and
this is real sloppy as any match with three guys as green as the Groupo guys
will be, but it was still better than any of the heavyweight choades- other
than BUFF- tonight, so I was all over this. Shima Nobunaga and Magnum Tokyo
aren't afraid to dress a whole lot alike but I like the suddenly developed
spunkiness these cats have developed as they hit and miss some of highspots.
And Glenn sent the new Michinoku Pro Lucha Libre special that has wads of
Groupo Revolucion on it (SHIRYU! BLACK WARRIOR! REY BUCCANERO! VIOLENCIA!
SOMEBODY ISN'T GONNA SURVIVE! WHOMP ASS!) so I'm suffiently stoked to see
these cats in a six minute match on Monday. A big batch of goofy fun and if
they have Psicosis vs LaParka at Spring Stampede- I'd be real happy, but the
thirty dollars would still be safe, pending the Shiryuization Eddy match.
Hell, I'd hit him more than just a chair if he hit ME in the lil' la parkas.
Booker T. and Disco Inferno have a match to further the Dibiase/Benoit
roots that are coming out of Disco these days. He goes bump happy and I'm
digging it. Booker T is feeling the heat to crank up the stiffness as he is
about to face the true Ass-Kicker of WCW, my favorite wrestler- the Canadian
Crippler Chris Benoit; and Disco gets to be the first to feel the hurtiness.
It was a weird match because neither of these guys can carry a bad worker to
a good match but both can be carried to a really great match by a really
good worker and together they actually hid their weaknesses really well-
Booker T's lack of fluidity between moves and Disco's stunted offense.
Disco is trying to bump and brawl like Benoit and set up opponents moves
like Dibiase, which is a great way to go. A minor triumph for both and
continuation of both of their good match hotstreaks.
Kidman against Lenny Lane was pretty okay. Kidman is still about five hot
moves short of being upper echelon WCW Cruiserweight, but he still supplies
the goodness. Lane I just can't read. Some weeks he looks like he is
getting it together on the way to being the next WCW breakthrough guy and
the next week he's back being the sloppiest, most confused, totally smoked
wrestler on the show. This was kinda in between and that'll get this match
into the working column.
Konnan vs Norman Smiley. Konnan is in a comfort zone with Smiley because
they headline shows in Promo Azteca together, I guess, because Konnan always
looks better when in with Smiley than with anyone else of late- except for
that quite decent Lizmark Jr match. This was no ten star classic but it had
enough weirdo lucha libre matwork by Smiley to keep my interest. Smiley is
such an odd wrestler and I dig him. I need to get more Promo Azteca TV.
It's weird that all the asses that Curt Hennig, Brian Adams, Davey Boy
Smith and Jim Neidhart put in the seats sure were yelling big words of
encouragement for all the excitement these heavyweights bring- a brand of
box-office shattering excitement that Dean Malenko, Eddy Guerrerro, Chris
Benoit and Rey Misterio Jr just can't muster. I think the crowd was
impressed by these fine heavyweights large paychecks and were yelling in
unison, "You all deserve to drive expensive deLOOOOOOOORRR-EEEEEEANs" or
something. Whatever it was, it sure was loud and long. I could be wrong.
Maybe they were chanting, "We love this match so much it's really
FLOOOOOOOOOOOR-IIIIIING us!" Actually, after digitally sound-coding the
video and playing it back through the analytical equipment here at PAGE
OLLIE (tm), the crowd is actually saying, "Adams! Bulldog! Neidhart! Hennig!
Y'all are so dynamic and exciting I bet y'all could sleep with Rebecca
DeMOOOOOOOOOR-NAAAAAAAAY!" That Niedhart Rules!
ALLRIGHT! MORE FAG JOKES FROM PIPER! WHAT A MAN! Could this guy be
anymore latently homosexual? And he was a Cubs fan last week and now he's
sucking up to the Marlins fans. THEY LIVE was a fine film.
BUFF Bagwell is the best true heavyweight in WCW currently and Diamond
Dallas Page is the Pretender to the Throne- but he's no slouch either. DDP-
who tends to mail in these kind of matches- actually was up for the BUFF
coolness onslaught. The problem is that BUFF- for the second week- showed
that he is five times better than either guy in the US title match at Spring
Stampede and once again exposes the fact that the real workers are Benoit
and Bagwell and the real guys who are friends of Bischoff are DDP and Raven.
BUFF vs Benoit for the US title would put my ass in the seat. This was
going along fine until the stupid ending. What a load of shit. How about a
finish? You SUCK.
Bill Goldberg vs. Hammer. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This total turd of a match
sees the light of day and Steve motherfucking Regal is currently unemployed.
Actually, not being stuck in the cartoonland of the WCW heavyweights is
probably the best thing to happen to his Royal Stiffness. Maybe he could go
to All Japan and get to wrestle like a man again, where there are no
Goldbergs that are too powdered-assed to take an ass-kicking like a man.
Hammer! YEAH RIGHT! Goldberg! NO WAY HOTSHOT!
Lex Luger and Barry Darsow was WAYYY better than it could have been but
what it was actually was one of the best prelim matches they've ever had
here on Tuesday Night Titans. Welcome to now and Welcome to SUCK!
Scott Steiner has a trophy. Sick Boy is really green. There is a
possibilty that Scott Steiner was gonna grow a third steroid-induced arm out
of his back suddenly and get Sickboy in a super-special Sleeperhold or maybe
punch Sickboy in the back while he had him in the Steiner "Recliner". Can
that happen? I guess not- if it hasn't happened to Steiner yet...
Kevin Nash vs. Sting. This wasn't reaaaalll horrible like it could have
been but the truly shit-headed ending was enough to drive it into the
craphouse. LOOK AT GIANT GO! BOY! IS THAT ROWDY RODDY PIPER'S DAD?!?! Oh...
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
BUTCHER BABY TODAY IS THE DAY- BUTCHER BABY GONNA BLOW YOU AWAY.
- RIP Wendy O Williams (1950-1998)
DEAN.
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