The Jericho vs El Babe-magnet Grande Juventud Guerrera match brought up a couple of questions- 1.) Who do I have to kill to get that fucking Dean Malenko poster? 2.)How did Jericho survive that El Hijo del Santo knock-off Plancha-To-Nowhere landing smack dab on the floor? 3.) Did that boot-licking Dirtbag Bischoff not push Juventud because his mask was re-instated in Mexico or is Bischoff simply just a big fucking asshole? Great match, though. Juventud rules the GOTDAMN earth. The Youth Warrior whipped out the cool ass highspots, including a delayed plancha con hilo or something and I was all over it. Give Juventud the goddamn belt already.

GOLLY! When LaParka is on he's so VERY on. I guess if your in with the REAL Dragon, the Ultimo Dragon, you better work your lucha ass off or he'll smoke you six ways to Sunday and LaParka was up for it. The Eddy/Chavo thing is getting more great every week. I guess Kaz Hayashi is in Japan gearing up for the Super Junior Tourney or WCW is too stupid to involve him in any wrestling that I'll see on TV. I wonder if NJ will bring in Juventud or Psicosis since Tajiri decided to become a victim of the TOGOization of the WHIFF. I certtainly hope so.

Some guys don't look good unless Chris Benoit is beating the ever-loving paste out of them and Curt Hennig is somebody who looks REALLY great getting the hell beaten out of him by the Crippler. They should have had these two feud over the US belt for the last six months and Hennig wouldn't look like the over-the-hill nothing that he looks like against everybody else. But they didn't and he does, so there you have it. The Booker T angle means a rematch or something. I was digging all this.

Speaking of guys who look great having Benoit beat the shit out of them, Raven carried Goldroid to a quite watchable match. Goldberg didn't fuck anything up and Raven worked for two and now the US belt is totally worthless- but it was fun in a shitty, booked-with-mirrors, Too-much-sugar,-Geraldo,-and-Bocephus-has-made-me -a-total-idiot-redneck kinda way. Worthless titles! ALLRIGHT!

Booker T vs Psicosis was fucking GREAT. Booker T is the perfect hard-working, easily carryable heavyweight and Psicosis is King of Wrestling so this was destined to be good, given the amount of time given. Booker T sold the knee right up to the New Japan Junior "To-Hell-With-Selling-It's-the-freakin-finish-goddammit!" finish. Psicosis made Booker T look godlike and Booker T sold a mountain for the amazing luchadore and this was all-around good. Booker T did that "I doing an amazing guitar solo" sell during the Psicosis bow-and-arrow and I'm quite a sucker for that. SPINEROONI!!! BIG JIM'S WIFE! WOO-HOO!

Ah, that's the Barbarian I remember. He had that Miracle Eight Months when he first came back in to WCW after re-learning how to work in the indies of North Carolina, but now he's definately indistinguishible from his old partner of yore- the totally shitty Warlord. Luckily that Frank Sinatra thing was on TV LAND so I REALLY didn't watch Nitro live. God was thinking of guys who like actual good wrestling when he invented the remote control with super-fast forward; sort of like how Satan created Ed Leslie as a vehicle to force a true wrestling fan into fits of enraged blasphemy. Ah there you go...

Saturn vs Hammer came SO close to not sucking, but between all the okay bumps and half-assed kicks by Saturn, it rambled into pointless ECW-style, non-Benoit-style brawling and Hell! Hammer kicks like a freakin pansy and that sealed it.

BUFF and Scott Steiner vs TPE wasn't very good though what the hell was one to expect. This ain't Akiyama/Misawa vs Taue/Kawada or anything. It did have the world's dopiest hot tag ever. "I will throw my dead partner into the middle of the ring and force him to crawl to me, though our opponents are both semi-conscious outside of the ring! Yes, this will build character in the rotund Johnny Grunge and will help him with the self-esteem problem that he has now that he has been berated by the Gas-Enhanced and Calf-implanted BUFF Bagwell. I am a good and kind mentor. I am ROCCO ROCK!" BUFF sold for his tagteam while Scott Steiner tried not to mar his taut, sausage-like skin by selling or bumping.

Luger vs Bryan Adams. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WCW kills me sometimes with there total mark match-ups to counteract the total smarts match-ups. I wonder which one the guys at work will talk about the most. Luger I respect because he does everything he can but just uncontrollably sucks. Adams is lazy and uncontrollably sucks. There you have it. Adams is a Feculent Tsunami of Suck. Yep.

BOY! That WCW World Title is about as useless as the Western States Heritage title is these days. Man, that was a whole lot of booking to get to the totally turdesque ending. A complicated turd is a still a turd, folks.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN.

Edited out phrases: "Poon-magnet" in the Jericho/Juventud review. Also from the same review, "White-washed tonsiled by Hogan". From the Steiner/BUFF vs TPE, "Thank you Big Papa Pump. God, you suck."

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