The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, May 4th, 1998
THE MONDAY NITRO WORKRATE REPORT SUPER DOUBLE SPECTACULAR!! EXPECT NO
CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER! EXPECT NO NOTHING BUT THE UNEXPECTED! WOO-HOO!
What Worked
FIT MOTHERFREAKIN FINLAY gets a belt! WHIP ASS! Of course, this makes
absolutely no sense bookingwise, but who gives a fuck- IT SETS UP A BENOIT
vs FINLAY for the belt! WHAT THE ELSE COULD I FUH-REEKIN WANT?!?!
YESSSSSSS! Let the super ass-kicking Benoit vs Finlay War begin already.
Mad Phat Props to Booker T for putting Finlay over basically as clean as a
sheet. And it was a decent match with Finlay making Booker T look godlike
while still doling out the large wad of stiffness. Hopefully, Benoit gets
screwed out of the belt again Monday and they set up a Finlay vs Benoit vs
Booker T three-way that would kick my ass with manly goodness. I dug this a
big old batch. Either way, Finlay gets rewarded for making everybody else
look like they are one-fifth the wrestler that he is. Finlay is godlike and
hope he keeps the belt for a while.
WRESTLING JUMBLE PART ONE!
(the secret letters where the stars are letters
to the SUPER Jumble at the end! It's fun!)
"To achieve and succeed at the PowerPlant you need a lot of _______."
D E S O T R I S (_ * * _ _ _ * _)
Benoit vs Disco was really great. DI REALLY needs to ditch the gimmick.
He looked positively credible in an ass-stomp with fargin Chris fuckin
Benoit and, thus, the stupid gimmick doesn't go along with the actual
wrestler he has become. I loved the way they both mirrored each others
offense- starting with the corner stompdown into the "I'll kick your ass,
too" pose to the crowd straight into four set-up moves. The difference is
that Benoit's flying headbutt is a zillion times cooler than the DI's
swinging neckbreaker, but anyway... This was REALLY CHOICE. I was digging it
the most.
WRESTLING JUMBLE PART TWO!
"It is rumored that the Giant actually hit a _________ in Japan and at the
PowerPlant!"
V E G M R I O T L W N S E (_ _ _ _ * * _ _ _ _ _ _ *)
Scott Putski vs. Kidman. HEY! It's Scott Putski! BOY! He ain't good! I
give this the nod because the shitty run-in kept Billy Kidman from jobbing
to one of the more lacklustre wrestles in the biz today. Ah, a new source
for both Steroid and Short jokes. Maybe this was a GREAT match.
WRESTLING JUMBLE #3!
"Mitsuhara Misawa has never done THIS finishing manuever!"
T H U C A R P H E N (* _ * _ _ _ * _ * *)
It's fun to ALWAYS be suspicious of WCW. Is this sudden visible push of
Juventud Guerrera- what with the swanky interview and highlight packages and
wins over the flock and possible revenge on Jericho- all a ploy keep Rey
from jumping? Is it because Rey IS jumping or something and they need to
fill his spot the dreamy, teen heartthrob Juventud? Either way, Juventud
Guerrera vs Kidman was pretty great, as both did lots of cool stuff and
Juventud was all Technico and yet really stiff and stuff. I finish was TRES
BOSS. The Juventud vs. Sickboy match would have been better if they didn't
have the truly idiotic run-in by Chris Canyon in the shitty Saturn/Hammer
match which the brain surgeons at WCW decided should involve getting the
ring really wet and thus fucking up the footing for both of these guys later
in the night and they REALLY should have done the shitty run-in by Horace
Boulder and the boys AFTER the 450 splash.
WRESTLING JUMBLE #4!
"The WWF has changed it's attitude to include a lot more __________."
T A S E A G B T R I N S (_ _ * _ _ * _ _ _ _ _ _)
Jericho ran the gamut the last two weeks from truly hilarious to exercises
in really bad taste- but they both worked. The Jericho as Malenko
impersonation was freakin hilarious and the Malenko interview was truly
hilarious also. The diatribe before the Bore-Us Malenko match was pretty
startling, but hell, this is professional wrestling and this ain't Sunday
school and sometimes you have to pull the trigger to get it to the next
level. He did the interview that should hit the payoff when the match
actually occurs and Jericho, who has masterfully carried on and built up a
feud beautifully without actually having his opponent around for the last
six weeks- generated a mountain legit heat by dissing the late Boris Malenko
which is more effective in the long run than the cheap heat he has been
getting since his turn. That was old school and I remember Boris Malenko
being SUPER old school- sacrificing his bridgework on two different
occassions in two different territories to further a feud, so I don't think
the Great Malenko is rolling over in his grave or anything. When you think
about it, it HAD to happen. In the beginning, Jericho was being all
charming and funny in dragging Malenko through the mud and he gets no
response from Malenko, so it's only a natural progression to get nasty about
it since Malenko appears to have vanished off the face of the earth and
Jericho can get away with it. This is Memphis as hell because it gets all
personal and hard-edged and shoot without becoming all ECW-like in exposing
the business for the sake of a cheap shoot interview. This match will
definately be the most heated in the short of the history the Cruiserweight
belt, so this definately worked, despite the lack of tasteful discretion,
but welcome to wrestling; it's not always good wholesome family-oriented
entertainment.
WRESTLING JUMBLE #5!
"He is the worst wrestler in Mexico!"
S E C A N C I R A (_ _ _ _ _ _ * _ _)
Jericho vs Chavo Junior was pretty good though it was basically a well
wrestled angle, as was Eddy vs Booker T. The best of the well-wrestled
angles- Chavo is forced to wrestle Scott Norton- would have worked the most
if it is actually fleshed out as the nuance of Chavo getting the advantage
because Eddy distracted Norton and Chavo lasts longer than his inevitable
demise dictated, and it could lead to a logical heel-turn by Chavo (who is
getting better than even III said he would get back when I was lauding his
Japanese matches. And I'm a freak. Take that, Crow-boy!:))
WRESTLING JUMBLE #6!
"He thought up the brilliant Black Scorpion Angle!"
R S O D E N E A O L N (_ * _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _)
Jericho vs Psicosis was really cool because both of these guys are great
workers and Psicosis is probably the most underrated and underpushed
wrestler in WCW now that they decided to make ME happy and do stuff with
Finlay and Juventud. The ending was WRETCHED as they blow every part of it,
but I don't give a shit- these two rule the fucking world and this match
ruled. LOVE IT BABY!
WRESTLING JUMBLE #7!
"The crappiest wrestler ever in AWA!"
M U K F U Z O H F C B (* * _ _ _ * _ _ _ _ _)
Alex Wright calls my old stomping ground- Norfolk,VA- a pigsty. ALRIGHT!
Alex Wright is back! AWESOME! He's not the best worker in WCW but he's
better than all their heavyweights and the fact that he's back from such a
dangerous condition is just GREAT news! WOO-HOO! GO TO HELL! I LIVED IN
NORFOLK AND WE had... many... fine... things...there...to... DOH!
THE SUPER WRESTLING JUMBLE!
"He owns a restuarant in Atlanta where my wife and I ate across from a
picture King Curtis's scar-covered forehead!"
(_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _)
(Send all entries to Ollies Wrestling Bonanza! Winners gets a big
cyber-kiss from ME!! Answers next week for all you pansies who don't want to
enter.)
What Didn't Work
HAHAHAHA! Barbarian and Hugh Morrus vs. Public Enemy as a blow-off to the
hideous humonculus called "the Barbarian vs Rocco Rock" from the week
before. Well, I'm glad to see that Rocco Rock- who had lots of great and
memorable moments back when he was only in his mid-forties in ECW- still
wrestles on occasion. These other three are Big Bounding Balloons of Pee!
Boy! Both of these matches really sucked. How unhardcore can a streetfight
be? Hmmmm.... How about these two matches. Hey, y'know, I had this
feverdream before I wrote this and I ACTUALLY dreamt that they pinned JIMMY
HART! What the HELL have I been eating?!? I tellya!
The HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN WORDSEARCH! Dig the wonderful merriment of that
great American- Old Hacksaw!
S H I T H E A D S V E K T
W O P J O J O E U V L S U
T R S F K P R I C R A L R
W R E T C H C G K E R K D
C I I P R J P Y A P D Y K
R B E P A E G U S O A P P
A L Z J E S E E S M S K L
P E E L I K E K O N S F G
(HINTS: Clotheline, Three-Point Stance, Two by Four, Old Glory, HOOOO, Taped
Fist, and SO MUCH MORE!)
Saturn has gone Straight to Suck with his two super shitty matches against
Jannetty- which had the only redeeming feature of an actual Death Valley
Driver (though Chavo hit a cooler one on WCWSN) and the rambling abomination
that was his Loser-Leaves-The-Flock match where the flock loses a Saturn but
gasins a Mortis and HEY! gets to keep HAAMER! ALLRIGHT! These were not
good. No. Not at all.
Jerry Flynn vs. Goldberg. I'm guessing that Finlay showing Goldberg the
ropes in the Houseshow circuit was a big reason for Finlay getting the
transitional gold and he did get involved in the Juventud mini-whatever with
the flock so I can't despise Goldberg this week. But this match was a load
of shit.
A list of the current Mexican masks I own
1. The new SHOCKER~~~!!! mask
2. Rayo De Jalisco
3. The childsize Hurrican Ramirez
4. The coveted El Hijo Del Santo keychain.
Konnan, Bryan Adams, Scott Steiner vs. Lex Luger, Sting, Giant. I didn't
think one ring could hold so much stink. Who da thunk? Anyway, it was all
there in it's glory until the mercifully quick run-in. BOY! Lookit all that
Suck! AWRIGHT!
Scott Norton vs Goldberg. Norton did an armbar and tried to make an actual
wrestling match out of it but Norton isn't gonna carry anyone, despite how
well a good worker can carry him, so say "hello" to this: Not Good Wrestling.
Brian Adams vs. Konnan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND THAT ENDING!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
Dean Rasmussen.
RASMUSSEN says, "Enjoy an Ice-Cold and Really Lengthy DEATH VALLEY VIDEO
REVIEW! Read'em at
http://www.photon.co.jp/sections/6_staff/glenn/nCo/dvdvr/dvdvr.html !!!
