The Monday Nitro Workrate Report

A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen

Monday, May 11th, 1998

Sorry this is so late! Anyway, when last we spoke the New Breed had beamed back to the present day to stalk the elusive LaserTron....

What Worked
Disco Inferno and Barry Horowitz had a match that would have ruled it on WorldWide- since they would have been able to stretch it to the post-two-minute mark. Horowitz does lots of wrestling moves which I like in my wrestling and the total creeping Benoitism of Disco continues as he is now REALLY starting to sell moves like the Crippler. HEY! DI is most improved of 1998 so far. There you go.

Juventud Guerrera vs Kidman was pretty great until the angle at the end that busted up a possibility of a cool match. Maybe Kidman is most improved of 1998 because he has developed an offense this year that has projected an image of actually being a threat to win. What the crap am I saying? Juventud is the most improved of the year. Juventud has gone from mat-based Rudo suplex-machine to undersized, over-as-hell, dynamic high-flying and high impact technico wonderboy, all in one year. Juventud is NUMBER ONE AND THE BEST and the MP Driver #2 he did FRICKIN RULED. It was as close to an Excaliber as you're gonna get on these august shores. (IDIOT SIDENOTE: It's gonna take a lot for me to REALLY hate Reese. He spent a lot of time in the NJ dojo- you see him at ringside on tapes of NJ from 96- so even if he is a clumsy goof, he definately didn't use the excuse of having size to allow him to become lazy and ride that to the end of his career. Plus, he's about to put over a guy who weighs 1/4th of what he does. Ther you go.)

It's official. Johnny Swinger really sucks. First he fucks up a match against Magnum Tokyo and doesn't catch MT when Magnum hits a PHAT ASS top rope Asai Moonsault and now he can't keep from fucking everything up against ULTIMO DRAGON!?!?! IT's FREAKIN ULTIMO DRAGON! Just stand there, he'll get you home. This match worked though because it advances an angle by the true heat-machine of WCW- Eddy Guerrerro vs the best wrestler in WCW this week- ULTIMO DRAGON. Having seen these two in a SPECTACULAR match in Fairfax earlier this year, I am sufficiently stoked.

Our TV Champion, the best wrestler in WCW this week, Fit Finlay, beats the shit out of Rage a little and I'm hoping it's the first of a lengthy title run. Finlay didn't beat him nearly close enough to an inch of his life like he needed to.

KICK ASS! It's Dean Malenko's better-wrestling brother, JOE! GOD! I hope he wrestles some! I was hoping that he and Jericho were gonna mix it up. I love Joe's mic skills. They are so very Nelson Royalesque. Benoit vs Joe Malenko ALREADY! SWANK!

Benoit vs Booker T was really good as Benoit works as stiff as living hell and Booker T does his large as hell flying power spots. I'm glad they've got Benoit in the actual wrestling match slot these days because this had psycholgy and a build and cool nearfalls and everything. Benoit goes over as clean as frickin sheet. And for that, Booker T gets even larger props from me.

What Didn't Work
The Bischoff challenge didn't really bug me except that there is an outside chance that they could actually fight and the down side of that is that if they do fight, the two biggest sleazy dirtbags on earth WON'T be having an Exploding Barbed-wire, Rusty Tin Can, Double-hell Deathmatch so I could actually get some retribution for the Red Rooster gimmick, the continued employment of Bryan Adams, the Ultimate Warrior, and the travesty of Silver MotherFucking King jobbing to frickin Saturn in one minute. Hell, givem real baseball bats and lets see what kinda damage these two limp needle dicks can really do, since they are both so hot and bothered to hop in the ring these days.

Hey! I like Scott Norton MOUNTAINS more than anyone with half of a brainstem should ever like him, but the Fifteenth-level of New Japan Heavyweight No-selling that he achieved in this match- with the pinnacle being the basic no-selling of a fucking Exploder Suplex- was such a collossal pile of shit that even I couldn't stomach it. And I've seen Kensuke Sasaki AND Manabu Nakanishi a thousand times this year already, so this was an accomplishment in that it raised my jaded NJ Heavy-weight veiwing ire.

HEY! HENNIG JOINS THE WOLFPAC!!! I could not possible bring myself to give a holy flying fudge. The dream is over, fatboy- go back to Minnesota already.

Hugh Morris would be REALLY great at unloading trucks. He's got the build, seems semi-intelligent and is nimble enough not to drop the boxes or trip over a pallet or something. Jim Powers seems like a really nice guy; he should become a personal trainer to the stars maybe or maybe a nutritionist or something. Or maybe they could both unload trucks.

HEY! It's Len Denton! It's Goldberg! Yeah, what the hell. Why not. Sure.

During the Jerry Flynn-Saturn extravaganza, I was like almost stoked because I thought that WCW had TOTALLY lost it's collective ill-fitting mind and was actually PUSHING Jerry Flynn as an ally of Hammer and was wreaking his terrible retribution against those who would bust up the former Van Hammer!!! But he was actually just jobbing to the newly uninteresting Saturn in one minute. Well. There you go.

HEY! It's DDP vs Lenny Lane! DDP is becoming very Luger-like in his total boringness in these types of match-ups. P. U.

Sickboy and Glacier! Sickboy and GLACIER! SICKBOY and Glacier! SICKBOY and GLACIER!

Hogan vs Savage has this run-in at the end and Piper came out so it just really sucked. Didja know that the Giant turned nWo! Isn't that great! Yep!



@#@#@# MAD PHAT PROPS to Jeff Have Clue Will Travel for nailing all of these answers and e-mailing them in- thus earning the Cyber-Stud of the New Millenium distinction! Way to rule it so hard, Studbolt. Big Jim Sullivan of the Irish World Order gets a big cyber-smooch for getting all of them BUT Abdullah the Butcher somehow (ONLY Big Jim...:)). And the rest of you that e-mailed to weasel answers out of me also rule the goddam earth and you are all just sexy motherfukahs in your own right. I shall weep loves easy tears now....


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