JUMPING HOLY CRAP! Chris Benoit and Fit Finlay beat the holy JUMPIN CRUD
out of each other and we get to watch! ALLRIGHT! This match beat the Best
of Seven nine ways to Sunday. Finlay is the best wrestler in WCW and Benoit
is the best wrestler in WCW and they really beat the holy hell out of each
other. I believe in the motto: "If it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a fudge"-
so imagine the exhilarating thrill of Benoit punching Fit right in the face
and Finlay responding by kicking Benoit right in the face. Men- REAL Men who
actually LOVE THE SPORT OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING wrestle like this and this
is the kind of wrestling I like. Matches like this are why I love Japanese
wrestling and it was great to see this for free on basic cable. WCW is
trying to get on my good side by having that way decent pay-per-view and
then giving this match two segments. I loved the super-dick offensive
transitions of Finlay as he poked Benoit in the eyes a couple of times
between rounds of Benoit beating the hell out of him, setting off Finlay's
forays in Hansenism. NUMBER ONE AND THE BEST.
Hey! Kanyon is such a supercool wrestler- a kind of talented DDP or
something. I loved his super hurty toprope neckbreaker. And that highly
contrived reverse Falcon Arrow had a fresh-faced, unabashed goofiness that
one only finds in more exotic Lucha Libre matches. I see the Flatliner is
no longer that Samoan Drop but that finisher he stole from Reckless Youth.
What will it be next week?
Call me nuts, but that goofy WCW-style brawl between Barbarian, Hugh Morris
and TPE actually worked because everybody bumped as much as they could-
especially that closet bump-a-holic Jimmy Hart- and they set up a couple of
neat spots pretty well- the finisher, the slam into the trashcan with the
additional shot against the side of the can and that powerbomb all come to
mind. Rocco Rock is having a little resurgence as this match- though not
actually good, per se (Heh)- was more than one should expect from two
bladeless blade-freaks, a recovering gas-monster, and a fat, underachieving
never-was so I'm not going to quibble. The finisher is fun and big and- what
the hell- I love that kind of shit every now and then. The part where they
hit each other with those aluminum foil things that everyone's mom makes
turkey in at Thanksgiving was pretty hilariously horrible. That was up
there with the Harlem Heat selling being hit by the Nasty Boys' coats that
one time on the Clash- in terms of sheer incredibly obvious exposition of
the bizness. But so what.
Sting and Booker T made the co-main event almost good, Sparky.
Fortunately, they kept the Duelling Collosi of Feces out of the ring so that
the possibly slightly resurgent Sting (RASMUSSEN thinks he may be lying to
himself and it's FUN!) and Booker T could work a decent match- with Booker
selling a whole lot and Sting getting all pseudo-heel on us. The ending was
clean and that pushed it over the edge of working-dom. I have no idea where
the Harlem Heat Brothers are heading but I live in fear.
Hiroyoshi Tenzan and Masa Chono vs High Voltage was WAYYYY too much of an
approximation of a medium level New Japan Heavyweight Tag match for it NOT
to work on US television- as WCW continues their massive head-long rush to
keep me from hating them by having two undercard matches that actually had
the length to resemble an actual wrestling match. I mean- I love Chono as
much as the next guy who likes guys who work really hard though they are
basically crippled and HELL! Tenzan stopped being horrible and annoying
after stinking up the ring with Hashimoto last year and went on the wild
rampage of Not Sucking, but HEY! you got access to Liger and Kanemoto and
Ohtani and El Samurai AND Kendo Ka Shin- HOWABOUT A FUKLIN CRUISERWEIGHT
TOURNAMENT ALREADY?!?!? But I digress. HV tried to pretend to be the
Steiners except they weren't fat and lazy and they didn't cripple anybody
and they did a lot of power moves to play to the strength of Chono and
Tensan's NJ Power Move style, so this was a real change of pace which would
have gotten over better if HV were ANYTHING in the eyes of the fans.. With
the IWGP titles being defended on US TV, the WCW and NJ announces loudly,
"WE'RE EXCHANGING TALENT!!! LOOK WE'RE EXCHANGING TALENT LIKE MO-FO'S!! THAT
TALENT IS EXCHANGING RIGHT THERE!" and I hope they keep it up (ohhhh sweeet
gawd, Send over Kanemoto....Kanemoto vs Finlay vs Benoit in a first crushed
skull match... ah the dream.... ). Uh... when did Tensan and Chono become
IWGP champs? It used to be Chono and Muta and then what happened? Did I
miss something? Did Chono and Kojima wrestle each other and the winner get
to pick a...
The Luchadore-choke-slamming Giant is kind of endearing now that he
embraces the fact that he's a big, fat, lazy, crappy wrestler and he
actualizes this self-realization by lighting one up during a match. He
should slam a Budweiser against his forehead until it blee... oh.
To hell with it. I WANTED A CRUISERWEIGHT TOURNAMENT. Nothing else will
do, so suckit, JJ. And where the hell was Juventud? GOD!
Cage matches without blood suck. Piper doesn't need a gerantologist, he
needs a taxidermist. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Curt Hennig yammers at length and I wonder how stomach-churningly horrible
his big match against Goldturd is gonna be. HEY! I bet Rude turns on him.
HEY! I bet it will be on par with the Renegade heel turn in terms of SHEER,
COLLOSSAL, FAN-EXCITEMENT! YESSSSSSSS!
Hogan Bischoff Wolfpac Piper Savage- AWRIGHT! Interview! Interview like
the wind!
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN!
 main Workrate page |
 main nCo page |