Wright and Disco weren't beaten thoroughly enough by the suddenly WILDLY
resurgent and soon to be IWGP Champion Masa Chono and the recovering Muta
but this was pretty okay.
I'm trying to figure out just how much American Wrestling sucks dick and after Monday's latest batch of irritation I FINALLY realized it. Well, I actually realized it watching RAW during that Waltman/Maivia match where they were having a good little match until some shit-for-brains in the back said, "Two guys in their underwear wrestling in the ring? Nobody cares about this shit, let's have some BOOKING! AND RUN-INS!" In Japan, Maivia and Waltman have a really good 3 1/2 star match and everyone goes home happy. In the World Whatever Federation, they have a good match ground into total crap because the bookers in the US treat idiot US fans like the rubes they are. This all leads up to Nitro- which embodies this hideous phenomenon but magnifies it one thousand times- because NOBODY has their collective head more up their collective ass than World Championship Whatever.
Ultimo Dragon vs Magnum Tokyo was good but way too short. It must suck to
be UD's protegee in these types of deals because I'm guessing this is where
you pay the price for UD basically guaranteeing you a lifetime of wrestling
success by you being taught by the absolute best. Magnum doesn't get as
busted up as much Nobunaga on Saturday but time restrictions were a factor.
They needed time to get Hogan's colostomy bag under the ring so you wouldn't
see it during his interview.
Wright and Disco weren't beaten thoroughly enough by the suddenly WILDLY
resurgent and soon to be IWGP Champion Masa Chono and the recovering Muta
but this was pretty okay.
The Jericho interview was kinda funny. I hope this fucking feud ends and
we never have to speak of it again.
Hey, Eddy is bumping his ass off and the bizarrely over Konan is feeling it
as he and his old pal Eddy try to tear the joint down. HEY! It'S TWO GUYS
IN THEIR UNDERWEAR WRESTLING AROUND IN THE RING! SEND OUT CRAZY CHAVO TO
SAVE THE AUDIENCE FROM BOREDOM! They want BOOKING not the fine art of
PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! Send out Antione Carr and have Eddy act like he
couldn't break his fucking knee in two seconds! Mainstream media needs a
few more reasons for ESPN sportscaters to make jokes that poke fun at a TRUE
American artform that is responsible for Flair vs Steamboat 89 and Misawa vs
Kawada 94. WCW, casual fans, and the mainstream media can jump straight up
my ass.
Hey, Bret Hart and DDP could have a really good match for the US title and
it could really get Hart over as a true ass-kicker if he goes over DDP
clean, and God knows DDP could use a feud with someone as great as Hart.
HEY! THAT WOULD BE TWO GUYS IN THEIR UNDERWEAR WRESTLING AROUND THE RING!
LET'S DO THAT GREAT PHANTOM SECRET RUN-IN ANGLE THAT MAKES SURE THAT THE
TITLE MATCH MEANS NOTHING AND POOR DDP WON'T HAVE TO JOB CLEAN TO
MOTHERFUCKING BRET MOTHERFUCKING HART! ALLRIGHT! FUCK THE BELTS! WE NEED
MORE OF THOSE HILARIOUS JOKES FOR BISCHOFF'S MONOLOGUE! THIS IS GONNA BE
GREAT! IT'S JAY LENO! HE WAS A CHIEF JAY STRONGBOW FAN! AND EVERYBODY LOVES
HARLEY DAVIDSONS! STRANGE THAT BOOKER T IS HURT OR SHITHEAD BIKERS COULD
YELL RACIAL SLURS AT HIM AGAIN THIS YEAR! ALLRIGHT! JAY LENO!
Yuji Nagata and Saturn- Guys in underwear... yadda... yadda... yadda.
Stevie Ray wins clean as a sheet. But he sucks it like a man so who gives
a crud?
Mongo wins clean as a sheet! But he sucks it raw so who gives a crap?
Bischoff is a total idiot and the fact that his shitty overpriced set that
housed his embarrassing monologue got the ball in motion for his
non-wrestling Nitro show to get it's ass completely handed to itself by an
equally shitty show over on USA says nothing to me but that the American
viewer audience enjoys one type of total shit over another type of total
shit on Mondays. And his band was horrible. What music store did THAT batch
of ninth rate blues choads crawl out of? (In case you think I hate US
wrestling, lemme say that THUNDER RULED IT Thursday and WCWSN was REALLY
great this week I thought- especially that TRULY BEAUTIFUL Shimu Nabunaga vs
Ultimo Dragon match and WCW Worldwide was the ABSOLUTE BEST with that SWANK
Benoit vs Fuckin Finlay match to top off a show that had Jericho vs Silver
King and LaParka and El Dandy vs Juventud and Psicosis. I forgot to tape
Shotgun, but I'm sure there was some fine wrestling there also. So I love US
WRESTLING. The problem is when US shithead BOOKERS. And the sky is blue, too.)
Scott Norton vs Jim Powers would have worked but- GOD!- Jim Powers must be
REAL swell guy and totally beloved by everyone in the back; because EVERY
TIME there is an opportunity for someone to beat the holy living hell out of
him and make ME feel better about this goofball, in 1998, making an actual
pro wrestler- who wrestles in Japan and everything- sell the world's worst
kneelift, BUT FOR SOME REASON THEY NEVER BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HIM!
Mutha Farckin' Chris Benoit didn't even do it! He beats the hell out of
EVERYONE. When he wrestled Finlay I'm figuring Power's must have saved his
life in Nam or something, because I've NEVER seen the Belfast Bruiser take
it that easy on ANYONE. Eh. I STILL got NO problem with Norton. This match
sucked though.
The endless useless pointless stupid interviews, Lex Luger, the Giant,
Sting, Nash, etc, etc, welcome to hell, what have you. Blah, blah. blah,
WCW sucks dick, blah, blah, blah, Benoit's hurt and I don't feel so good
myself, yadda, yadda, yadda, Where the fuck was Juventud and Misterio, blah,
blah blah.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN.
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