Hiya. My first NWRR since the youngster arrived and I'm glad this Nitro didn't suck like the two I didn't write about. Nitro as of late is like reviewing a different Jim Varney movie every week, but this one didn't actually suck, so WCW is ruining my fabulous jokes even.
HEY! Sid breaks Hogan's knee. Sid becomes RASMUSSEN's favorite
wrestler. Give Sid a pair of scissors for the rematch. Maybe a
softball bat (I hear Sid's good with those). That would pop ratings
even Benoit and Malenko couldn't diminish there, fuck-face shit-fucker
Hogan. Hell, if Austin or Debra's big titties aren't on, you would
probably finally win a quarter hour.
The Eddy vs Vampiro match was really fricking great. Eddy beats the
holy hell out of Vamp and Vamp takes it like a man. ICP bump enough to
justify their existence, Raven is back and Vamp found somebody who can
carry him in his first big feud in WCW (of course, Eddy could carry ME
in my first big feud in WCW and I'm uncoordinated, lazy and PACKED WITH
FAT!). Eddy vs Vamp on PPV should be pretty rad, if this was any
indication. Someome tape it for me.
Benoit goes over clean as a sheet- pretty much- and it sets up the
David Flair match pretty well if Benoit gets the gold, or if they can
figure out a way make it reheat the Triad vs Revolution feud. The match
itself was a little lopsided as DDP hits a Rotation Powerbomb, and THEN
a Spinebuster and THEN a Urange while Benoit hits a Locomotion Suplex
and THEN a diving headbutt all with the span of eight minutes- making it
more of what gets shown on New Japan TV when they show highlights of an
El Samurai vs Shinjiro Ohtani match. Small quibble for free TV and a
clean Benoit pin, I guess. DDP seems happy as living hell to be in the
ring with actual wrestlers again as opposed to Hogan, Nash, Leno and
Rodman since Nash can't take a fucking Rotation Powerbomb. 10 more
minutes of this baby and it's US match of the year. If they use the
triple Diamond Cutters as a point of psychology in the David Flair match
we'll all be REALLY surprised.
Harlem Heat are back together- which is bad (imagine if Eddy Payton
had to be in the backfield with Walter for the entirity of Walter's
career.) They wrestle Kanyon and BamBam- which is good. Three actual
wrestlers cover for the hapless Stevie Ray- and, actually, Stevie Ray
only exposes the business for one giant corner punching sequence. BamBam
is fucking great as he and Kanyon carry the match with wacky heel
tactics and sell like good heels should. Benoit "gets involved" and
Harlem Heat appear to be aligned in the Workers Alliance Of Solidarity
against the Triad. Good match. Poor Booker T....
Evan Kourageous is on a unsuck streak and he and DI have a total
Worldwide full point match.
Malenko and Douglas aren't Malenko and Benoit and Hugh Morris and
Flynn ain't Finlay and Regal but this match scraped by despite the
HIDEOUS fact that Malenko was outworked by HUGH MORRIS. Flynn and
Douglas save the bacon of the match as they make Douglas's finisher look
all swanky and that makes up for the Lex Lugeresque lummoxxy ringwork in
the body of the match by these two. Douglas ain't looking so good.
It's official. Curt Hennig- comeback of the year. He has gone from
lazy sack that I did not want ever darkening my TV screen, to someone
who can bump his ass off to get Saturn over huge. This was a clinic in
selling and this was great. I'm not sure if I'm ready for
Benoit/Saturn/Douglas vs the North Texas Rednecks vs The Triad but it
has it's possibilities actually. Stick Regal and Taylor in there
somewhere. And if Finlay never wrestles again, he can retire knowing
that he was one of the best wrestlers that ever wrestled- even if some
of his best matches were mostly in front of small crowds in Austria abd
Germany. If he does retire, I will miss his truly man-sized work ethic,
stiffness, and vast knowledge of every wrestling style. There will
never be another David Fit Finlay.
The Cat beats up Lodi and Lennie. I'm talking to Phil Schneider right
now on the telephone and we are trying to figure out what we would
rather see on TNT. Hmmmmmmmmm.... How about that Kaz Hayashi/Evan
Kourageous rematch instead? How about a Cruiserweight title defense?
How about the Chimp Channel's outrageous send-up of the "HMS PINAFORE"?
Classic Goodwill Games Biathalon Highlights? 1998 Atlanta
Hawks/Vancouver Grizzlies pre-season game? Jm Jaye Bullock and Kim
Fields watch "Cocktail" on the MOVIE LOUNGE? Ponch and Jon try on sexy
leather riding chaps on CHiPS 2000? College years marathon of "Saved By
The Bell"....
The main event had the worst powerslam ever by Sid as he all but tucks
in and kisses Sting goodnight, but Hogan hits the two most ass-sucking
chairshots in the world- so you forget about Sid for a minute. Goldberg
beats the piss out of Steiner and kinda makes me think that their match
at Road Wild will actually have elements that won't make me sick.
Whichever one is ordering it, tape it for me, won't you? Who's sick joke
of an idea was it to make Sid and Steiner a tagteam anyway? Does
Bischoff get a finder's fee for all the broken vertebrae he delivers?
The table shot at the end would have been better if Hogan had landed on
his knee wrong and had to retire and had to get the fuck out of
wrestling and out of my life forever.
Scott Hudson getting beat up was set well, but led to Shithead
Bischoff and later Bigger Shithead Hogan calling the wrestling matches,
which blew goats.
Hogan's on the stick. Hogan does a shoot interview. Let's shoot with
this here- eat my sweet, sweet ass, Hogan.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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