The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, August 3rd, 1998
Nitro had two good matches so I'm in a better mood than last week (but
GOLLY! did Thunder suck the engorged one this week.)
What Worked
Eddy vs Juventud was pretty great. I REALLY love Eddy Guerrerro wrestling
in matches. And then gets in a bunch of really cool moves. And then he
sells his opponents offense. And this week it was REALLY cool because he
was selling the super-tricky offense of Juventud Fucking Guerrera. And then
Eddy- being the best wrestler in the world today. Beats Juventud and still
makes Juventud look great while beating him. And the finish was clean and
Crazy Chavo didn't show up to ruin everything. I guess they didn't totally
get rid of Terry Taylor.
DAMN! This is two weeks in a row that Jericho wasn't afraid to win back
all of his workrate fans because he worked his Hamilton Tiger Cat Loving Ass
off in this match. Rey was looking great too but Our Role Model wasn't
afraid to break his own legs twice taking two truly hellish bumps. Somebody
needs to sit Mark Curtis down and tell him that he is still recovering from
stomach cancer so he doesn't need to be taking bigger bumps than any
shithead in either nWo's would take. Malenko is a temporary ref so this
wasn't a screwjob in my eyes. If WCW wasn't such a total clusterfuck in the
booking department, I would say this was a cool swerve from the obvious old
school booking of Juventud putting over his next challenger so as to assure
that Juventud would get the belt Saturday. NOW Jericho does the same thing
and you're back to square one- which would be cool booking. SO- EITHER
Dusty just REALLY doesn't give a fuck and will book anything under two
hundred pounds any old way OR Terry Taylor is booking the Cruiserweights and
it's gonna start getting cool. It's WCW. I learned to not get my hopes too
high a LOOONNNGG time ago.
Chavo decides to ruin a SHITTY wrestlers matches as opposed to fucking up
perfectly good Eddy Guerrerro matches and all I can say is that ANYTHING
that gets Stevie Ray's HORRIBLE attempts at wrestling off my TV screen any
sooner is a-okay with me. And Lizmark Jr needs to get the fuck out of WCW
and get the fuck back to EMLL where he can get back to real matches with
real wrestlers. He's WAAAYY too good to be job boy to the cocksucking
stiffs that permeate the shitty third-rate non-wrestling universe of WCW.
DOH! There you go!
What Didn't Work
JAY LENO? What the FUCK is THAT? Is there anyone who isn't violating
their livestock who is actually EXCITED about seeing this? Are Americans
REALLY THAT stupid? I mean we as a people are fucking dumb as posts as a
general rule. But are we THAT stupid? I mean we as a people created Jazz
and Rock and Roll and Film and the Abstract Expressionist movement and "Blue
Eyes Crying In The Rain" and Citizen Kane. I'VE GOT CONFIDENCE IN MY FELLOW
AMERICAN- This PPV thing is gonna tank like New Coke.
Scott Norton powerbombs two guys who can work circles around him to get his
no-selling, no-working ass over. Yep, I've now officially got a problem
with Norton because he's stinking up the ring in two countries with this
irritating Goldgerg II gimmick.
Jay Leno- no. But Bea Authur- oh hell yeah.
The whole first hour wasn't good as whole. Or in any particular parts.
They talked a whole bunch, the wrestling was non-existant or it sucked when
it was in there. DDP mails it in and that's the pinnacle of wrestling for
the first hour. As this hour draws to a close, RAW is poised to kick it's
ass with stupid angles and mediocre wrestling- which WCW somehow manages to
out-stupid and out-mediocre- despite having the greatest talent roster ever
at one time in one organization. Ah Dusty, Eric, Hogan and the whole
HEE-HAW gang can blow me sideways.
Sting goes back to being Sting. And I...I...I... Maybe next week he'll be
blond and stuff. And then Flash or whatever he was in the... Blade
Runners... with Hellwig... This isn't boding well.
Duggan wrestled Bryan Adams. Duggan is really old. And he doesn't, like,
work. Bryan Adams is really boring. And he sucks a bunch and stuff.
God. Wake me up when Benoit gets back.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN.
