The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, August 17th, 1998
Goddang, sorry this is so late. The Death Valley Driver Video Review was
real tricky this week so I had to keep watching Lucha Loonies 5 and Top Of
The Super J 1998 over and over again. Both were like reading THE SOUND AND
THE FURY in their bizarre complexity, so to speak, so I kept putting this off.
What Worked
Bret Hart once again delivers the goods and this time the WCW booking
committee totally undermines it. DDP is a perfect type of opponent for
Bret- a lot like DBS is for Bret- an okay worker who tries really hard when
inspired and can be lead to a really good to great match. Bret did the same
thing that he did with Luger last week, but DDP is a hundred times better
than Luger so this was on the verge, and may still be on the verge, of
something really really good. WHAT was up with the WORST finish I have ever
seen? Did Dusty find his GLOW tapes under his mattress and steal some
booking ideas? God, THAT was bad. DDP should have put him over clean and
then Bret could have put him over clean on PPV. But he didn't so the next
best thing would be for Bret to win by cheating to get DDP into the
Sharpshooter, which he did and it would have been a totally fine pussy way
to get out of this without DDP losing any "heat", and- HELL- the way they
got to it was fine for me- if a bit WWFish in it's fourth-hand Memphisness,
but it would have beat the flying piss out of what Dusty made them trot out
for a finish. UGH. I'm guessing this will be all this- but with a clean
finish- on the PPV. That would be great. This was real close to being
great. Dusty Rhodes isn't a very good booker.
Dean Malenko drags the thoroughly unmotivated Hennig to a watchable match-
even with the horrible ending. I mean, fuck, it's Curt Hennig. Hennig
didn't used to suck and, I get the feeling that if Hennig still gave an
inkling about his chosen artform, Malenko could put him over clean and I
would have no problem. It should be like the Chris Benoit and Bret Hart
relationship of "the Man" and "the Next Man", but Hennig isn't in the same
galaxy as Hart in any way, shape, or form, so Hennig isn't, Dean can't, and
I would. So bring out Rude with the shitty screwjob so Hennig can get the
bad win after Malenko just dragged his jaded lazy ass to the best match he's
had since Benoit beat the piss out Mr Perfect way back when. Hennig sucks.
Lucky for him, Malenko still gives a shit about his craft and Hennig gets a
free ride to a decent match.
The Raven/Saturn vs Horace/Kanyon match was the best on show. HEY!
Locomotion Russian Legsweeps! Hmmm. I see a trend... Saturn is becoming
quite the good little worker and it's been showing as they've made this
aspect of this feud into a couple of good matches. The more I see of Raven
the Wrestler, the more impressed I become with his ability to carry lesser
workers like Horace. This match had a whole lot of cool elements and the
fact that two of the biggest and effective elements were the moves and
selling is why one had to dig this match.
Eddy does a "shoot"! So. I guess Eddy signed that big extension. This
could be a good angle because one of strengths of Sullivan's booking is his
ability to pull off angles as cockamamie as this but I hope he can keep the
gimmick out of his wrestling- just remember the Pillman Loose Cannon-era
ringwork. I like it when the WCW works the smarts with goofball shoot
angles like this, but I REALLY LOVE IT when they try to IMPRESS the smarts
by having Eddy wrestle in, like, a wrestling match.
What Didn't Work
Alex Wright was looking GREAT and High Dosage is becoming a good tag team
and Disco is having a big resurgence and HEY! It's Meng. God, he really
stinks. He's not good. He's not good and he's deciding that since he,
himself really stinks, he can't allow DEAN RASMUSSEN at home in Richmond,
VA- who works too hard all day and tries to raise his daughter right and
tries not to kick the dogs no matter what they've strewn across the living
room from the trashcan and who doesn't sneak over to Richard's Rendezvous
because it would upset his beautiful wife- to watch four guys wrestle in a
motherfucking wrestling match without his lousy shitty presence ruining
everything. My guess is that Tenay cries himself to sleep having to try and
put over "the Monster" Meng at the expense of real professional wrestlers.
Actually, I give Tenay credit for trying to hide his disdain, but you can
tell by his voice that he hates this kind of crap. And me too. Ah fuck
Meng. He sucks.
Chavo and Jericho do a bunch of stuff to the worst wrestler in WCW and
right when you're sure that Stevie Ray is the worst thing since Sid Eudy,
-OH YEAH!- forgot all about the Giant. I read on the internet that the
Giant wants to start boxing. GO FOR IT, BIG MAN! The world needs a
freakishly huge heavyweight boxer to pummel whoever the heavyweight champion
is these days (David Bey? Trevor Berbick? Ernie Shavers?) because- that way-
I'd NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU WRESTLE AGAIN! WOO-HOO~! GODSPEED, young Mr
Wight! Never lead with your right. The highlight of this match was the
rolling elbow and springboard bulldog by Chavo and they did some nearfall
things that were good, but that's A WHOLE LOT OF STINKINESS to combat. Hell,
even Stevie Ray tried to not toally ruin everything, but he isn't very good.
Nope. Nice try though.
HEY! It's the Ultimately chatty warrior. They aren't gonna do the only
thing that would make me give a shit about this suckass lummox, which is to
somehow make his psychotically paranoid website come to life. THAT would be
great. He could bring some ten year old into the ring and berate him about
not following the Way of the Warrior and he could compare bank accounts with
Dean Malenko (as opposed to the comparison we really wanna know about: UW
and Scott Steiner- total amount of steroid-induced Liver damage.) He was
looking smaller. Get back on the gas, ya lousy stiff, that's the only reason
the idiot rubes ever liked you in the first place. He was using big words.
Sometimes he was even using them corerectly. Maybe he used lots more really
big words correctly as it went on but Bart Gunn was beating the holy shit
out of Baron Samedi on RAW and that beats two no-working losers stroking
each others chemically shrunken genitalia for fifteen minutes so I didn't
watch the final hour or so of the Ultimate Horrible Horrible Wrestler
talking about whatever it is they say on these long expanses of guys jacking
off to their own voice. Bart REALLY beat the holy crap out of him. THAT
was great.
Did anyone actually watch that Scott Steiner/Buff Bagwell thing? I wasn't
compelled to watch so I guess it didn't work. I dunno. Somebody was
dressed like a medical person. I have trouble keeping my TV on anything that
has the Steiners wrestling or talking. They aren't very good.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN.
