Hiya! NITRO was fun for a half an hour and pretty pathetic for the rest.  I'ma try to NOT set the landspeed for saying the F-Word.  No guarantees though there, Little Jakie.

  Uh, Eddy Guerrerro is the best wrestler in the world this week. Actually, the success of this fabulous little bit of WCWania owes giant wads to the fact that the deeply REVERED and REAL EARNESTy beloved LA PARKA is a motherfucking FREAK who will take ANY bump imaginable to get a match to that next level of SWANKINESS.  Plus the mask and leather jacket makes LAmotherfuckingPARKA my eternal fashion role model.  When my amazingly beautiful wife finally wises up and leaves me for her tanned, thin and blow-dried trophy husband, IIIIIIIIIIIIIII- Dean Rasmussen- WILL DRESS JUST LIKE LAmotherfuckingPARKA AND THE GIRLIES WILL SWARM ON MY JUNK LIKE...oh wait. Eddy Guerrerro is fucking great and Blitzkreig KNEW he had better hold up his end or Eddy- who I hear has been edgy as of late- would rip him a brand new one so thus Blitz, Rey, and LA PARKA all felt the urge to blow the roof off the motherfucker.  Eddy in the comfort zone with LA PARKA leads to Eddy hitting the fattest assed toprope dropkick ever that led to Rey
remembering that at one time he was one of the greatest highflyers ever- as he hits an enormous assisted Plancha on LA PARKA after LA PARKA had already gone the extra mile by bumping like Sabu on meth amphetamines after selling a PUNCH from Eddy. Blitzkreig does the GREAT Springboard I'm Tangled Up In The Tree Of Woe Kinda spot that ROCKED.  Hell, this match all rocked.  Blitzkrieg (or anybody) and LA PARKA make a great team.  Eddy and Rey are tagteam of the year as of NOW! THAT'S how you compress a bunch of coolness into a small amount of time.  A ZILLION
JILLION nitro STARS.

  Lenny and LODI fearlessly put over the funtabulous KAZ Hayashi in a quite flawed but strangely beautiful enough match.  Lenny decorates the Cruiserweight belt with tassles and ribbon- a point that would make a good angle for Psicosis- who worshipped the belt the one week he had it- to beat the shit out of Lenny and justify the loss of another cool mask
to the festering Gringo Shit-For-Brains Booking Braintrust that sit amidst their Depends brand undergarments in their offices in HOTlanta. But let me take you to the shitty half-assed world of the soon to be number three wrestling company in the USA... But I was digressing from the Hayashiness at hand.  I was talking to Schneider about this match and he was impressed by the fact that KAZ and LODI blow EVERYTHING the first minute and then hit about 75% after that but STILL try to hit a
lot of complex Lucha-sized, multi-sectioned spots.  I noticed that KAZ needs to realize that he is in with LODI and- though he was a quasi-OMEGA guy- LODI is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not Dick TOGO so maybe dumbing it down might have been a better idea for young KAZ.  Either way, this worked like a motherfucker for me from the cool ass DDT on. KAZ has such the mind-breaking brainbuster that one almost forgets that he whipped out the toprope Tope Suicida Con Hilo and mooshed Lenny but good.  LODI acquitted himself quite well with the Vertical Plancha that was all hurty and shit.  Hey, maybe the pin will lead to something akin to a push for the young, vastly talented KAZ with KAZ, Juventud, Lenny Lane, Blitzkreig, Psic and Whipreck fighting it out for the third wave of Cruisers....  Instead, let me take you to the shitty half-assed world of the soon to be number three wrestling company in the USA...

  Oh man!  I loved this Nouveau YORK Foundation with Alexander Wright and the Terri Runnels Of Old wannabe- who is in DEEP need of a laptop ("My computer printout says WCW will fuck up this angle in 2.6 weeks"). Berlyn was Falco-esque in his Teutonic goofiness and I was all over it. I was actually hoping for something more akin to LAIBACH with Dropkicks but I guess they couldn't get the cool hats.  I pity the poor sap in the Berlyn entourage who had to touch Gene in all of those hideous personal regions. I dug the fucked up lighting effects.  Oooooo, pretty....

- The Shane Douglas FatGuy Outta Control Plancha was a nice touch to a wretched match, but the best part was the fact that Jimmy Hart TOTALLY No-SOLD it.  "Jackie Fargo never did no damn Poncho, so you can go to
hell!"  Ah Memphis....
 

  Benoit sells WAAAY too much for Jery Flynn before the SCHMOZ! kicks in and I try to figure out how Benoit is supposed to look credible against Sid Vicious when he has this much trouble putting away a undercard mainstay like Flynn.  From a workrate point this perfectly acceptable. From a booking standpoint, this was one in a long line of shitty booking
ideas that took them from the biggest wrestling organization in the US to possibly getting lower ratings than HELLO LARRY's 1979 summer replacement (a little McLean Stevenson yocks for the old folks like me, Jim Suldog and Jeff Amdur.  OUR HIPS!!).  This would have been up there if the ending didn't blow a rhino sideways.

  Berlyn is actually Alex Wright.  Alex Wright became a good little stiff worker before dropping off the face of the WCW earth for a year. HEY! Let's have him have a feud with the suddenly thoroughly ungood BUFF!  Hey! That'll suck!

  The Revolution were almost over there for a second so the Algonquin Roundtable that is WCW has them feud with the First Family- a bunch of unover jabrones who- except for Jerry Flynn- suck cock in the ring.  If they were just trying to bury the Revolution and everyone in it I would at least understand- hey, THAT aspect worked for the booking committee. My biggest problem with this is that it looks like WCW is TRYING to get some people over and win the ratings and THIS is what they thought would be a good idea: "Hey! Morris and Flynn have been real company men for years now and Knobbs is a name that everyone knows- let's get them in a feud with the Revolution and that will bring the First Family up to their level! ALLRIGHT! We're geniuses!"  Spitefullness I can at least understand.  WCW stupidity is beyond the grasp of rational man.

  So Hulk HOGAN drove the hummer.... At least Savage is back to complete the set for the most amazingly expensive batch of over-the-hill, faded washed-up stars to ever be this unover in one wrestling organization at any point ever.  ECW is on TNN Friday's at 8:00 EST.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN

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