WCW delivers two good matches so I'm all happy and shit. I have no idea what's on the PPV so why the FUCK does WCW think I'ma give them thirty dollars for a CHANCE that something will be better than the total turdburger at the top? Hey guys! Jump up my ass. Shirley's boy wasn't born yesterday. (You realize, of course, that Kaz vs Juventud on PPV could be persuasive enough, so hold that thought. I mean, I AM pretty pathetic...)

Juventud has a whole bunch of time to beat Hector Garza. HEY! Hector is back and I'm happy. Hector is good, he was in EMLL long enough to know how to work before going to Porno Azteca and not ever getting in a decent match- kinda like Juventud's horrible Promo Azteca stint. Juventud and Hector have a really good total US Pro-style match in structure but the moves were obviously lucha. Notice Juventud slowing Garza down so Garza will keep with psychological pace of the match as Juventud has to fight Hector's urges to do the Lucha thing and speed things up at the price of selling. The finish was great even if the toprope powerbomb was botched. The highflying Dropkick counter and big league powerbomb sandwiched around the goofball Lucha submission and La Majistral was a nice touch. WCW is their bizarre wisdom gave this match enough time to have a fullblown, honest-to-God Lucha Libre Resthold! WOO-HOO! I dug the second rope Swandive Moonsault to NOWHERE to set-up the Juvie Driver. I dug this match a whole lot.

Hey,HEY! M'man, Jericho, we'd like to introduce you to the WCW heavyweight division. You'll be here for a while. This is Jim the Anvil Neidhart- he can't wrestle himself away from the all-you-can-eat spare ribs bar. Here's your useless fatboy, get to carrying. Hey! Whaddayaknow! Jericho carries him to an unstomach-wrenching match by flying all-around the Load and the soon-to-be busted Niedhart actually tried and didn't fuck anything up. The ending looked like a REAL unfortunate set-up for a PPV match. Eh, they gave Juventud a long time so I'm feeling magnaminous. Welcome to WEASELING IN BY THE SKIN OF YOUR TEETH.

Saturn vs Riggs was pretty okay despite the yelling on the mic the whole time. The finger thing was SOOOOO ECW wallowing in it's most "adult" angle crappiness and was rife with some real bush-league cheap heat. Oooooooo... God forbid that Saturn continue to get over on his work in the ring like he has been doing the last year.

The Malenko vs Hennig match is another reminder of how badly they botched Hennig's push when he first came in- when they didn't carry through with the Benoit vs Hennig feud. As I watched Malenko round the cage to enter, I thought about how insanely HOT the crowd would have been if this was the blow-off to a three month Hennig vs Benoit feud and I pondered how over Hennig would be by now. But they didn't and he ain't. This match was stiff and cool enough as Melenko does his Benoit Part II thing. Tony Schiavonne has to be reminded by Heenan numerous times of the shoulder thing as Tony shills the PPV. Schiavonne sucks. Hennig kicks up the stiffness a notch and feels the need to actually work- a feeling he hasn't acted upon since Benoit was slamming him right on the top of his head. Hennig looks good on offense, if a bit ponderous and Malenko sells the shoulder like a king. Hennig Mulkies Malenko into the camera as an ode to Arn Anderson and I was digging it. The build to the finish starts at the Hennig Cross ArmBreaker and the slow build starts paying off as the stiffness kicks another notch and Malenko has a big comeback but the ref bump comes too soon and the cool enough angle at the end kicks in after Malenko gets his finisher over against the big boys. This might become a off-kilter but good feud. Malenko + Arn = Malenko over as much as he will EVER be over. And that's REAL good.

The main event wasn't horrible which is more than it has EVER worked before. Squinting a Fastforward got it over the hump. Welcome to WEASELING IN BY THE SKIN OF YOUR TEETH II.

One of the first tapes I got on the internet when I was introduced to the amazingly great world of guys who will send you tapes if you send them some cash was the Brian Socha Best of 1995 series. The first match on VOLUME ONE is the LAST STEINER MATCH THAT DIDN'T GET ON IT'S KNEES AND SWALLOW THE MEAT ROCKET. Here it is folks as it appears on my matchlist: Keiji Muto/Hiroshi Hase vs Steiners.1/21/95.NJ.****1/4. Notice the two key words-- HIROSHI HASE-- . After the Steiners lost the Hase gravy train to retirement when Hase won a seat in the Japanese senate, they pretty much figured out that they should REALLY stop trying because their only free ride to great matches was over and it WAS, because- FRICKING LOOK AT IT!- Hase drags 4 and a quarter stars out of THE STINKIN STEINERS AAAAANNNDD KEIJI MUTO, the laziest wrestler in Japan?!?!? JUMPIN JIMINY ON A POGOSTICK. Hase was a fucking MIRACLE WORKER. FRICKING BENOIT COULDN'T PULL FOUR STARS OUT OF THOSE THREE LOADS OF CRAP. Anyway, Evan Kuraigious or however the hell they decided to spell it this week, has the comparative ability of Hiroshi Hase's shoestrings (he can't sell a fuckin SHOULDERBLOCK YET) so this match joins every other Steiner match since January 1, 1995 in deepthroating the beefdart. People who give two shits about a Steiner wrestling Another Steiner deserve to have their money taken from them and their trailer repossessed, so good for WCW.

If Ernest Miller vs Chaos was in an Armoury in Caesar's Head, South Carolina, I would have said, "Hey, these guys are really green but they tried hard I guess." This was on Nitro and -WHOA!- that's the CRAPPY member of High Voltage. Ernest Miller kicks a lot more like a member of the Swimsuit Squad on Viva Variety than Tsunemitsu Kanehara, so this gimmick sucks it. Hell, half the Swimsuit squad would kick his ass if he kicks like THAT. Poor Chaos had to sell it, too.

Uh, Eddy Guerrerro is your best worker who isn't nursing a bad elbow so you should- OF COURSE- not have him wrestle. You can do this whole I Hate Bischoff Angle and still have Eddy actually wrestle. See if you can get the Giant or Bryan Adams to hate you, Uncle Eric. Them not wrestling because they hate you is something I can DEFINATELY get behind.

Hey! It's Scott Putski. How upset can I POSSIBLY get? My man Goldberg! Kick his ass!

Stevie Ray uses a NERVE HOLD as his only move he doesn't blow in this match with Chris Adams. Boy, Stevie Ray does really suck. Hardwork Bobby Walker has got it all wrong, he was too GOOD to push. If he sucked as much as Stevie Ray, Vincent or Ernest Miller, he'd be pushed to the moon. Notice the fate of the most talented African-American wrestler in the company, the ever-jobbing Norman Smiley- who can work shootstyle circles around "legit" Miller. WCW has it's head up it hinder so far that it can see yesterday's breakfast but it's definately an equal opportunity pusher of guys who really suck. Which is comforting I guess.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN.

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