The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, September 13th, 1998
After we had watched Fall Brawl (hey! They had Juventud vs Silver Mother
Fudgin King! I HAD to buy it! Hell that Raven vs Saturn match fuckin RULED
THE WORLD and I liked the Juventud/SilverKing match a bunch- just because
SilverKing wasn't afraid to just DIE to entertain ME), I was talking to a
friend of mine about last Thursday's Thunder - which I thought was the worst
show that was ever put on in the post-Benoit era. He thought it was good
because they had all the big stars on it. I was incredulous as to how
anyone could like such a load of shit. After a couple of days I started to
understand his thinking- Wrestling should try to deliver what the people
want: If they want big stars and the promotion delivers big stars then the
wrestling company is doing it's patrons a service by not disappointing them.
I understand that line of thought. Sure, it's totally full of shit, but I
understand that line of thought. Wrestling needs to appeal to one
authority. That authority is ME. This is my life and if I'm gonna waste my
spare watching wrestling, I don't don't want to see that shithead Scott
Steiner on TV. I don't care if he's a bigger star than Oprah AND Monica
Lewinsky rolled into one. Fuck the no-working Scott Hall and the no-working
Lex Luger, and Fuck Piper and Nash and Hogan and Hellwig. They suck cock
and could be replaced by guys who can actually work. Which brings us to this
here Nitro. Welcome to what every roided-out loser stiff in WCW BETTER be
worried about and BETTER try to bury and destroy- an incredibly over Four
Horsemen with Chris MotherFucking Benoit and Dean MotherFucking Malenko. If
these guys can get over, ANYBODY can get over- regardless of size or level
of Dynamic Mic Skills.
What Worked
Maybe Juventud vs Billy Kidman should be feud of the year. This was their
best match of the five or six they've had on the TV this year- AND I DON'T
GIVE STAR RATINGS, but if I did, this would be four and a quarter (I mean it
has to compare to other Junior Matches- which would be the likes of Liger vs
Masakazu Fukuda and Doctor Wagner vs Kanemoto, which this here match doesn't
beat out). I'd give it four and a half but everything wasn't hit smoothly
and Juventud was selling at a plateau that Kidman hasn't reached yet and it
threw the selling off kilter because Juventud was getting killed and was
selling it like a Latin Miniature Misawa, but when Kidman was getting
killed, he was selling it more like at a Slim-fasted New Englander Kojima-
which isn't bad at all, but there is a big discepancy in knowledge of what
the true core of what makes a good match leaning towards Juvie. Because,
after it's all said, Juventud was the psychological foundation of the match-
and he is the foundation of all these good to great matches he's had during
his underrated but really solid reign as Cruiserweight Champ. Kidman kept
up, sold as best he could and hit all of his highspots, but Juventud brought
the crowd into the match by selling so well that each pinfall looked like
the finish. Juventud has reach the Japanese level of psychology that Rey
was just starting to discover before the injury and the COOLEST THING about
this match was that it further destroyed any desire to have to get tapes of
Juventud to get his good matches because- as of this year- Juventud Guerrera
is a better US Pro-style-based wrestler than he is a luchadore, and Juventud
was a BRILLIANT luchadore when he was on. Kidman has gone from indie guy
who had some hot moves to Gaijin Junior Heavyweight. Kidman has gone from
being a better version of Devon Storm to becoming everything Reckless Youth
needs to strive for if he's ever gonna be more than a Northeast Indie Star-
psychology, stiffness, state-of-the-art moves. Kidman has developed this by
wrestling the best in the world or guys who wrestle the best in the world.
Kidman and Juventud are quick studies and it shows as these two swallowed
and spat onto the screen last night every Benoit, Ultimo Dragon, Eddy
Guerrerro and Psicosis match they had the last year and a half. This was
choice. I wanna rematch. And I wanna a four way feud between Juventud,
Kidman, Kaz Hayashi and Rey Misterio Jr. The main thing that Juventud did
during his reign as Cruiserweight champ was to show that the Cruiserweight
belt could stay over after all the NJ refugees graduated to the stinky
Heavyweight ranks, and that the Cruiserweight division is so deep that there
are guys who can go up to bat for it and get the hits if given a chance.
Ric Flair is back and that whole thing was really great. Benoit and
Malenko might as well sign a fifty year extension if this is how they get
pushed from now on. WWF isn't gonna deliver THAT kinda reaction. New Japan
REALLY isn't gonna deliver that kind of reaction. Flair and Arn can get two
of the best workers in the world over larger than they could ever imagine.
The guys where I work were trying to convince me that the Flair thing was a
shoot and they were so excited about the Four Horsemen being together again
that I didn't have it in me to be a dick and try to shave the Tuesday
morning wrestling buzz. Hell, I'll just join in- I'm from the Mid-Atlantic
area. I used to turn up the television at one in the morning at
beer-drenched Richmond Punk Rock Parties and the room go suddenly quiet when
Flair would speak. I was there in the beginning, I'm joining in. These
Horsemen are gonna rule. Malenko and Benoit together! They can carry
Flair. HELL! It's Benoit; He could carry Mongo. The problem is that it
looks like the Horsemen are set to be feuding with nWo Hollywood and all
those guys suck. Actually, I dunno. Maybe we should wait till the matches
get served up.
The Sting vs Goldberg match was watchable! WOO-HOO! Goldberg pretended to
sell and Sting was getting visibly irritated at the former crappy Falcon
selling Sting's Welcome To 1983 offence like Sting was Scott Putski or
whoever got the World title shot last week on Nitro. The ending sucked,
but it was quite watchable up to it.
HEY! Eddy's going to Japan! WOO-HOO! Black Tiger vs Liger best be gracing
my VCR or the Big Man is gonna cry love's easy tears.
Liz in chaps......
What Didn't Work
Scott Steiner is an incredibly horrible wrestler. Silver King is one of
the best wrestlers in the world. WCW can suck my dick.
Boy. WrathBOMBstalker no-sells a fucking handspring elbow. Wrath sucked
then, sucks now, and will always suck. Wrath is like a thinner Hugh Morris.
I really hate Hugh Morris. I wish Mutoh woulda ran out and protected his
signature move by hitting his own Handspring Elbow and then broke Wrath's
leg with an Indian Deathlock with a Frontfacelock Bridge. Hell, Renegade
had a bit part in the worst match in the history of Wargames so maybe he
deserved it. I just know that I don't deserve the
Wrath-as-an-even-shittier-Goldberg push. I thought Wrath had a real job as
a judo instructor or something; something to keep him on my good side,
something to keep him in the work force, paying taxes to help us all build a
better America. But no. He had to go into the WCW. And the WCW needs
another really horrible stiff in their heavyweight division like WCW needs
to sign Sandman. WELCOME TO HELL, BOYS.
Ernest Miller has flaws within his wrestling. He doesn't seem to be
working on making it any better. The logical path of this gimmick is for
him to wind up in a feud with the MONSTER MENG, since they both share the
quality of being a legitimate trained fighter who both suck really bad as
wrestlers and who are never gonna amount to anything watchable. Hell, strap
rusty tin can lids to their hands and have a First-To-Get-Lockjaw-Loses
match. I'd pay to see THAT with these too. Maybe if they had the match in
the middle of a swarm of bees. Well, yeah, I'd REALLY ante up the buyrate to
see that. And maybe some water moccasins.
I see that they ruined all those good wrestling matches when that MONSTER
MENG to get the MONSTER MENG in a position to get slaughtered by the Giant
in two minutes. I mean, I couldn't POSSIBLE give less of a shit about Meng
or the Giant because they both suck the big unit until the "hardway color"
starts, but Meng did ruin a really good Alex Wright/ Disco Inferno match a
couple of weeks back and I wanted some kind of closure on the whole debacle.
I get NOTHING. AND LIKE IT! And whatever happened to my favorite rumors-
the rumors I REALLY wanted and hoped to be true- that the Giant was gonna
stop stinking up wrestling rings and start stinking up boxing rings? Are
they just TOYING with us- trying to get our hopes, and dashing them as
quickly as the random biannual Meng push? What manner of man would be SO
devoid of humanity? So I guess the Giant ISN'T going to box Sweetpea
Whitaker or Oscar de la Hoya or those other Cruiserweight luchadores? I
look into the abyss...
Other stuff sucked, but I can't focus in on it too much so it must have
just sucked, as opposed to pissing me off. Niedhart was in there somewhere
I think. I was fastforwarding alot.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN.
