I'm REALLY LATE this week. I will spare you the whiny, pansy excuses with all the hemming and hawing and just say that the Death Valley Driver was "Rewatch The Big Japan Tapes 12 Times"-intensive. That and I'm a powdered-assed pantywaiste this week. I SUCK! WOO-HOO! As for the WCW Battleship that is Nitro, it was interesting instead of good where the good spots usually are and the bad stuff finally got them slaughtered in the ratings. I had trouble hating it because only certain parts cheesed me off.

Chavito and Disco Inferno had a good match. Chavito and Disco have both re-wrestled out of their crappy gimmicks and Chavito is ESPECIALLY bringing the love these days- as he works stiff as all hell, hits the WHIP ASS Piscado and Misawa-stolen rolling elbow. Disco does a weird Frank Shamrock ape-like thing in middle. The screwy ending would have been a-okay with me since it would make sense in the context of the match and gets Memphis heat for the division, but the fact they used it as an excuse to NOT have Juventud vs Kaz MF Hayashi was so the total opposite of good. Juvie is so WAAY over. His pop in Fairfax was only second to Goldberg. Juventud/Disco and Super Calo/LaParka.... hmmmm. WCW could get me to order this horror if they stack the undercard..

Psicosis tries to carry the load that is Ernest Miller. Actually Miller sold the leg better than most choades in WCW and tooka PHAT ASS plancha that Psicosis hit off the turnbuckle so I hate him a lot less this week. The totally ALL-THAT Todd Gerth gave me permission to steal his joke about the fact that the Cat was actually changing his spots as he sat in the corner and totally pussed out of whatever Psicosis was going to do to him and fearlessly calls a paragraph long spot while sitting on the corner- so I'm stealing it.:) Tony covering for it was hilarious. Let's push Psicosis already- he did the impossible of getting the Shat into this side of the ledger.

Alex Wright is NUMBER ONE AND THE BEST on "the stick" and in the ring. Alex is the best heel the WCW has. M'man Alex tears Gene Okerlund a new one. HOW IS THIS GUY CONSIDERED A HEEL? He always seems to be channeling my thoughts through his interviews. ALEX WRIGHT! THE VOICE OF A WRESTLING GENERATION! The match is elsewhere on the page.

Bret Hart showed once again why he is the best Heavyweight in North America as he carries HULK HOGAN to a really good match. Hogan got all inspired and whipped out the takedown into a Cross Arm-Breaker. The heel-turn was briiliant and elevates EVERYONE involved- Bret Hart is as hated as Hogan and makes it to the top of the card finally; Sting has a reason to exist (To Kill Bret Hart), and Hogan is top dog again because he positions himself as the mastermind of it and was a true evil bastard at the end. I'd be happier if two of these three didn't suck so much ass in the ring.

Kidman vs Hall was the best match the useless Hall has had since the ladder match 378 years ago. I figured Hall was putting Kidman over since Hall has put over the unover face Jericho and Hector Garza for no apparent reason, so him putting over Kidman was in no way a stretch. Instead, they just had a good match and Hall won. I got no beef with a good match, and tonight the workers carry the stiffs.

The reason the WCW got it's bloated ass kicked by the injured and less-talented roster to the North can all be figured out by the horrible booking decision here. HEY! HERE'S A GUIDE! HOW TO LOSE THE RATINGS- En lieu of a WHOMP ASS Euro-streetbrawl between the resurgent and suddenly euro-level stiff Alex Wright and the known Total-Ass-Stomping commodity that is Fit Finlay- which they have been hinting at lately (and if they put it on PPV, I'm GETTING IT.), they send out the crippled and disillusioned British Bulldog. I think Davey Boy REALLY REALLY tried to do a euro-style mat match, because he got nifty on the mat for a second- but his body is so shot that there is no way he could keep up with a wrestler on as much of a roll as Wright and it died by the end. The worst ref bump of 1998 didn't help.

To kill any good will you've garnered by pushing cruiserweights, luchadores, euro-badasses, and the NJ3, put Ed Leslie in the ring and expect ANYONE to a.) Give a hoot in hell, b.) CHEER? American Wrestling fans are stupid and easy to fool but they had to DRIVE A CAR to get to the arena, so there was SOME brain activity going on.

Somehow you should expect ANYONE to give a shit about immobile horrible roidboy Scott Steiner in a handicapped squash match. Hey! The Steiners are actually gonna wrestle at the next PPV. Haven't they been threatening us with this for a while?

You should definately kill all the heat that the Horsemen have by having them led away in a peaceful and orderly manner by mall cops. This is the same group that kicked the shit out of Dusty Rhodes in a parking lot? And who tried to mount Jimmy Garvin's valet? And Kevin Sullivan's wife? This must be a kinder, gentler Horsemen. I like insane and violent Horsemen.

The Goldberg-Jericho thing was funny I guess because- HEY!- it's Jericho, but I felt bad because the big roided-out no-selling lummox called Goldberg beat up on Lil' Goldberg. Lil Goldberg is WHAT? 5'2", 160? Who's next AC JAZZ? FYRE? Pick on someone your own size, you big jerk! As for Jericho, a GREAT IDEA I had was that since the Ultimate Warrior deal is going over about as well as turds at a bake sale, and it looks like Hellwig's out on his steroid-engulfed ass as soon as Halloween Havok is over, they are gonna have a LOT of One Warrior Nation shirts left-over to get rid. Yes, it's time for Jericho to go full circle and become totally psychotically self-absorbed, put on the make-up, and LET THE ONE JERICHO NATION ARISE! It's GOT TO HAPPEN. Hell, a couple of silk-screens are shot, new artwork is added and viola! A giant money-loser becomes a shirt that EVEN I WOULD BUY! Think of the interviews.

NASH vs ADAMS?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN!

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