A problematic Nitro- All the horror is overshadow by the shining beacon of the LATINO WORLD ORDER. I am BORN ANEW!
Three words, Mother Fahuka- LATINO WORLD ORDER. Eddy Guerrerro
interrupts luchadores to give them SWANK tee-shirts to start the Cesar
Chavezesque unionization of the Latin undercarders. The fact that
Hector Garza and Damien are the first recruits brings about many
fascinating scenarios. The easy ones are for the good lookin' Mexican
fella, Hector Garza- a push to the Cruiserweight belt maybe. Maybe he
and Eddy can tag a while. It's pretty standard expedient for a push- a
new group emerges, the guidance of the most superior total wrestler in
North America guides him to the title and out of obscurity, etc. DAMIEN
is the one that they can do the FASCINATING stuff with. I used to
always end my posts on RSPW (remember RSPW- ahhhh yesterday... ) with
NANIWA~! until I heard an "inside" story that Damien told an independent
worker in the US and I tend to believe it's true. The story is that at
WAR Super J-Cup 1995, Damien was going to have a lifelong dream come to
fruition when he was to wrestle Jushin Thunder Liger in the second round
of the Super J. In the first round, Damien was to go over El Gran
Naniwa in a basic comedy match. At the last minute, Naniwa refused to
put over Damien- thinking that Damien wasn't a enough serious wrestler
to put over in such a prestigious event. Damien ended up putting over
the 18 year old Naniwa and Naniwa went on to be carried to the best
match of his career by Liger and started an ascent to crappy matches
with Ultimo Dragon and being eternal punching bag for Kaientai Deluxe
and the supersurly and beautiful Koji Kanemoto. Then he broke his leg
and is just now getting back to watchable shape This left Damien out in
the cold- slumming it on WAR undercards, slumming it on Promo Azteca TV
six-man matches and other assorted Extreme Southwest feuds and his
chances to ever wrestle Liger again in an important match shiveled up to
nothing. UNTIL NOW! Eddy positions Damien to challenge for the belt!
Bischoff wants to measure his penis size against the NJ Front Office
(sorry about the imagery and all.) and says the WCW Cruiserweight Champ
needs to wrestle the IWGP Jr champ at the Tokyo Dome in April.
MEANWHILE, Liger and Chosyu say, "Ah the Kidman fella will work out
fine, Liger can carry him to a decent match. Let's get Kidman a buzz
going in the Japanese press." Eddy's contract is close to being signed
and Bischoff wants to seal the deal by showing Eddy and the other guys
on verge of the upper card the lengths that he will go to get Eddy's
group over and has Damien beat Kidman or whoever has the belt in a freak
win on Nitro. LIGER! DAMIEN! TOKYO DOME! The week before, at the Osaka
Dome, Damien can pin Naniwa in 45 seconds with a spear and a
jackhammer. The sky is the limit for this angle. Eddy could change his
name to Che! and everything. I wanna shirt YESTERDAY! Fuck Konnan,
EDDY RULES! WHIP ASS!
Juventud and Jerry Flynn had quite an acceptable little match.
Juventud shows everyone how to make Flynn's spinning kick look totally
man-sized. Then Juventud gets all stiff and powermove intensive. Flynn
does the Savio kick over the top to nowhere because he IS a man.
Juventud continues to Diamond Cutterize the Juvie Driver as he pulls it
out of nowhere. I guess the long Cruiserweight match is later.
American society is becoming so fragmented more and more these days and
it's one of the most serious flaws in our social fabric- so much that
there is no one coherent unifying force and no common shared experience
that defines us as Americans. Even wrestling fans are divided- half of
them like the crap on WCW and the other half like the crap on WWF. Then
Ed Leslie came out and wrestled Lenny Lane and we- AS A NATION- turned
the station to see if the Packers had scored against the Vikings yet.
Wasn't that a GREAT FEELING? We Americans- IN UNISON- flipping over to
the TRUE American pasttime for a minute to avoid the turd Ed Leslie- it
was like Mark Maguire was hitting number 62 all over again. God Bless
America and God Bless Professional Wrestling.
I like Saturn and I love Lizmark Jr but this wasn't a whole lot to love
but enough to survive the cut. Eddy needs to give Lizmark Jr a hip
tee-shirt already. Saturn kicks like a pansy.
HEY! Benoit was smacking folks around! Get him in the ring already!
Psicosis and Kidman had a great, great match- Psicosis was sufficiently bump-intensive and he did what he does best- supply the psychology. Kidman is feeling it as he did the Black Warrior Hip-Toss to NOWHERE that set-up Psicosis killing himself with a toprope tope. Back in, they set-up lots of really cool nearfalls as they go all Malenko/Guerrerro with the roll-ups. Then they go into lucha finishers with Psic hitting a weird Hurricanrana. Kidman does the cool point of psychology of going for the pin after the Rydeen bomb instead of the usual Rydeem into a Shooting Star Press, thus allowing Psic to get in the Moonsault Knee to the Head. Kidman returns the favor by killing him with a knee to the head during the Shooting Star Press after Psic misses the toprope rana. My question is WHERE WAS EDDY!?! PSICOSIS IS RIGHT THERE! How does Psicosis get into the Latino World Order? Cheat to get the win, Psic is over as a bastard rudo Cruiserweight champ and the Latino World Order is already one up on the Horsemen because the lWo would have produced the belt. This ain't Japan. These are luchadores! Mexico has produced cooler angles than Memphis has ever dreamed of! Here was the big chance to get Eddy's new deal over big, all they need to do is use a LITTLE BOOKING! (I'm just kidding.) ((Not really.))
Hey, I'm for whatever it takes to get Sonny Ono away from Kaz Hayashi-
EXCEPT FOR THIS! The Shat Ernest Miller is the fucking worst. Jason
Hervey is a fucking booking genius. WCW can eat my ass.
Wrath sucks. If you sawed the arms off of either of the Villanos,
they'd STILL be nine times the wrestler this load of shit will ever be.
Sell SOMETHING, you craphead.
The punking of the Black and White by the Wolfpak wasn't very intense
except for Bret Hart going all Memphis on Sting. I tried to get all of
LaParka standing around in a blue T-shirt on the permanent tape. So why
wasn't he wrestling tonight?
The Warrior- who ain't movin those T-shirts- talks a REAL long time-
and then Scott Steiner burns it up on "the Stick" and Monday Night
Football experiences a weird inexplicable spike in the ratings for the
beginning of the third quarter. Buff jobs to his mom. It wasn't as
disturbing as THAT sounded.
HEY! Rick Steiner- who STILL uses the Buff-Buster Bulldog as sloppily
as ever- proves that he's the sloppiest wrestler to still be allowed to
work in the US by almost breaking Bryan Adams neck with one his sorry
powerslams. Rick Steiner needs to be driven from this sport before he
kills somebody with his shitty wrestling.
BOY! That was the most un-redneck barroom brawl III've ever seen. These
guys suck. My friend John once did a front standing Bulldog on a guy
who picked a fight with him at dancenight at the Metro once. That was
for free. And It was A LOT cooler than this weak shit. During the
Search For The Drunken 56-Year-Old-Lady Molester, I was hoping that we'd
get the debut of Sandman as the pilot of the helicopter as a sort of
role reversal of his dynamic role in the ECW promotion- but you can't
have everything.
Hogan on "the Stick". Boy, the Vikings are really beating the shit out
of the Packers.
The Bret Hart/Sting brawl started well, but meandered too much. They
should watch tapes of Fit Finlay/Steven Regal and Chris Benoit/ anybody
to see how you should go about getting an entire auditorium WAAY into a
brawl. This was the polar opposite.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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