(The Halloween party was really SWANKY as Richmond's Party People (say hooo!) were grooving to the Nixon Years. Since y'all are all wondering how I did, well, "One Bad Apple" was good for an Osmond song, "Year Of The Cat" was breath-taking it's scop and I was so awesome singing Reminiscing by the Little River Band that even IIII wanted to mount me.)

Fuck the ratings, the Nitro was so good they ACTUALLY ran out of GOOD wrestlers to use by the middle of the third hour. I was way into this. Phil Schneider and I have decided to directly steal at least one joke from each other a week as opposed to covertly stealing them over the phone. Here at Canada Boy's site, we believe honesty is the best policy.

Thank you.
U-S-A!
America Boy

LaParka gets back on the Cutting Edge of Fashion with an LWO outfit that is completely "off the charts".

The first installment of Euroguys Beating the Haggis Maybe Out Of Each Other For Our Pleasure features the WILDLY resurgent Alex Wright and a young tiny-pants-bedecked Norman Smiley. This had WADS of wrestling holds, stiffness, More Than Memphis Heel Heat for the Wunderpunk, and Smiley doing odd looking slams and having some kind of motor skill-altering spasm before dropping an elbow. This worked on quite a few levels. I await another Fit Finlay Stomps And Kills Alex Wright Stomps And Kills Fit Finlay match like on Thursday's Thunder. Euro-feuds GOOD. Norman. Baby. If I Fex-Ex you some long pants, will you wear them?

Monday is casual day here at LWO. Our newest middle manager, Psicosis, is ready for anything with his sharp Dockers khakis- be it a light dinner with friends, hurricanranas or JUST BREAKING HIS OWN HEAD! The belt is by Oleg Cassini- which is the sure sign that your first clean pin over Rey Misterio Jr will have the classic lines that the young luchadore needs to keep to stay in sight of the classic figures of yesterday and still keep an eye for the future. By comparison, the man who spurned the LWO- Rey Misterio Jr- looks POSITIVELY 1996 in his I'm Wrestling Ninja Rojas This Thursday In AAA garish dayglowish blue and salmony hot-pink indie-level get up. Offset that with the ULTIMATE lucha faux pas- the exposed kneebrace showing a willingness to revert to 1997 Great Sasuke Cheap Psychological ploys- further proved that Rey dropped the ball when he didn't get on board for the big win- and instead appears to be getting lumped with biggest fashion abomination, the broad and condescendingly trivial fashion strokes of Konan. One preys that Juventud does the right thing and joins the LWO since he seems to have a sense of fashion aesthetics that would correlate to the fashion plates LaParka and Damien. Psicosis doesn't even disturb the perfect crease of his pants as he hits a spunky legdrop over the top to the floor. Rey and Psicosis having a slightly lacklutre affair compared to what they have done before when Rey was 100%. Rey is trying to wrestle a smarter match and needs to shoot for cool suplexes or something. I lesser highflying arsenal is definately not the way to go because it just shows what he can't do anymore. Psicosis is WAAAY overdue for the fashion accessory called the WCW Cruiserweight belt and he needs to acquire it already. Tony tries to shave the buzz of Psicosis' win by saying Rey was distracted. Uh. No. He was powerbombed and pinned. It's about time.

HEY! Kaz Hayashi- one of the best wrestlers in WCW- goes up against Disco Inferno- one of the wrestlers in WCW I can watch and go "eh, he's not bad at all anymore." Kaz's swanky new plastic pants were completely "off the charts" in terms of fashion mightiness- and one can only wonder if Official Powerplant Super Pants means an infusion of "renewed chemical workout enthusiasm" as the boys in High Voltage and the Power Company call it. Utilizing his Twisting Turning Over The Toprope Tope, Kaz dies early and- yes- we find him pleasing. Disco Inferno's allure these days is that you can stick him in with a Superworker like Kaz and Juventud and the international ilk and your Superworker doesn't have to dumb down his offense that much, which is a plus for someone with an offense as pedestrian as our boy Disco's. Kaz hits a Fat Ass Tajiriesque-In-It's-Innate-Beauty Moonsault and kinda keeps hitting stuff for a while and Disco is selling it as the run-in comes in for a landing. The ending's screwy but Kaz Motherfulking Hayashi is on my goddam TV set so I cannot complain too loud. HEY! DI wins with one of those piledrivers that don't actually hurt you. The president of NBC should have Steve Austin's neck x-rays shoved up his ass.

Fit Finlay enters the ring. Since annoying miniature roidmonster Scott Putski was first in the ring, the mind races- Will it be as GREAT as the Lorezo match? Will it match the truly SPECTACULAR level of horrendous ass-kicking that the Great One achieve while beating the living daylights out of Johnny Swinger? Will it be disappointing like when he DIDN'T beat the living shit out of Rage OR Chaos? Will Finlay's nagging need to make all of his opponent's look good before the ass-stomp kicks in rule the day? This was pretty great all around as Finlay combines a few elements of his greatness as he really sells like a PRO and makes Putski's quite comical 80's powermove based offense look feasible, he also takes time out of the Bruising schedule to beat the shit out of Scott Putski for our pleasure and- yes- we found it pleasing. I took an ENTIRE STAR off this match because Fit really fucks up a spot by NOT pointing to the orbital socket of Putski before collapsing it with his knee- like he did against Johnny Swinger, which was the Greatest Move Ever In The History Of Professional Wrestling. They speak of a rematch with young Alex Wright and I'm excited again. As for this match, thank you, Fit. for letting us laugh about a guy getting kneed in the face... again. Scott Putski tries the Polish Hammer crap and Fit snaps his skull with one of those piledrivers that don't actually hurt. The president of NBC should have Steve Austin's neck x-rays shoved up his ass.

Raven bumps like a monster for Malenko, as WCW makes fun of the HORRIBLE ECW pay per view Sunday by doing their own clusterfuck of run-ins. The difference is that this was a bunch of really GOOD wrestlers and I actually never forgot that Malenko and Raven were the original combatants. Plus, the Dudleys can run-in on Sabu and Van Dam forever and they can shift the focus of a match from two of their best workers- Jerry Lynn and Lance Storm- to the crowd jacking off to Sunny's fat ass, but they will never be able to top Bret Hart putting the Hammerlock on Chris Benoit because ECW run-ins are pointless and hackneyed, while this WCW run-in could lead to a blowoff that would be a FIVE STAR MATCH. Meanwhile, the ECW bright idea and "cutting edge" booking shoots for two refs with no wrestling and a whole lot of chicks in their underwear. Just get Cinemax folks. Storm, Lynn and Whipwreck deserved better. I the customer (and Cowboy Wayne and the lovely Kelly who threw the party, got the PPV and who made us all lasagne and everything because they RULE THE MOTHERF**KING WORLD) deserved better.

Bret on "The Stick" is magic. THAT'S how you get over being a Dick without any attempts to get over being "funny", "charismatic" or any of that other shit. The wrestling world needs a Heel Bret Hart- carrying anyone and everyone in the ring- a million times more than it will EVER need a no-working "charismatic" "funnyman" like Kevin Nash. Bret Hart says, "I'm a wrestler and I'm great." Kevin Nash says "Isn't it IRONIC that a guy as funny and cool as ME is WRESTLING?" Fuck irony. Gimme Bret Hart.

(In red print) Verily, He did say- With half of the Horsemen taking care of business here at Nitro and the other half prepping South Beach- ooh,ooh,ooh- the Horsemen continue to set the standard.

Scott Norton is the IWGP champion and this match was SO right in the middle, being nothing actually, so the belt drags him up here. I mean Norton is a no-selling Gas-Monster but he was beating on Van Hammer who- though he is usually the target of scorn- wasn't afraid to bump. That was the world's friendliest powerbomb. "Hiya friend! Please refrain from kicking out! Thanks!"

Jericho making fun of Goldberg's crappy football career was really really great. I mean really, really great. Jericho and Kidman have the THIRD good Time Limit Draw in WCW this year, which is a record for a US company I think. The Jericho hotstreak in the ring HEATS BACK UP! Kidman's worth as a wrestler is clouded AGAIN as he refuses to be written off as glorified indie choade. The ending was SUPERHOT. CHOICE.

When Scott Hall carries Booker T to a match as good as this it irritates the discerning viewer when one thinks of how much of franchise champion he could have been if he wasn't such drunken, lazy sot. I heart Booker T so this was a good thing to see him in the ring again. I'm thinking that maybe Scott Hall is a tragic and pathetic figure not just because his personal problems drag two children into the fray of some horriblly adult nightmares but also professionally because drunkeness and apathy may have hidden a great worker.

The Shat is on the TV. HEY! An Armstrongs vs Miller angle. DOES THIS WORK? Armstrongs are great! They deserve a push. One asks again- DOES THIS WORK?!?! Well, it IS Ernest Miller so that would be a big NO. The Armstrongs need an angle with the horrible Miller as much as Kaz Hayashi needs an angle with the horrible Miller.

Wrath sucks. Kendall Windham sucks. Y'know, the WCW was having a lot of injury problems earlier in the year and it seems they have turned the corner with Rey, Booker T and Benoit being back. So, let's get rid of the Miller and Wrath push and let's cut down on the Monday Night Suck factor.

I ACTUALLY taped the main event on another tape since my tape ran out right before the Main Event started. I can't seem to find and, hell, life's too short. Thjis main event got mauled by whatever crap Vince threw up against it, so I guess from a total rube standpoint it didn't work.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN.

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