Cavalcade of Excuses! Well, let's examine why there was no report for last weeks shows- two WCW shows chockfull of good stuff actually. Monday: Nitro on. Tuesday: Nitro Extra on. Wednesday: Watched all four hours of tape and a bunch of Japanese stuff. Feeling ready. Feeling Good. Thursday: Went to Ceci and Doyle's for Thanksgiving as my beautiful wife does the heavy cooking for the thirteen or fourteen months pregnant Ceci. Miss seeing a Deionless-but-still-beloved Cowboys job to the scrubs and stiffs from Minnesota because Doyle and I watch the Stax/Volt Revue from 1966 that Ken the KING of Rock sent me (Otis Redding was the King Of Workrate.) Ceci gears up for the youngster she has Saturday- a NINE pound bouncing baby boy! WOO-HOO! Friday: Drove to the in-laws in Carolina to have birthday party Number One (out of Three) for the youngster. Insane Grandparents Lavish my Daughter With Gifts. No Pony. Yet. Saturday: Leave wife and child in Carolina so they can visit with Bisnona and Nona (as they say in Italy) a while longer. Being an idiot, I play a lot of football with marathon runners, two old girlfriends and an old old (luckily as out of shape as you author) friend from Tidewater. Avoid massive coronary long enough for my Actual Band (the Dragline System) as opposed to my Money Band (the Nixon Years with afore-mentioned new parents above) to ROCK THE MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE at Surfside Grill in Shockoe Bottom. Sunday: Drive to Southill, VA to pick up wife and youngster and eat at the Colonels. Fall asleep at 8:30, miss the veiwing of the Bret Hart documentary that Cowboy Wayne loaned to Hangman Tim. MONDAY AGAIN! SEE! I'm not a slack ass! RIGHT !?!?! Anyway...
I watched a lot of Jd' as was TRYING to get DVDVR#85 out already, so I
was kinda checking in as I was taping Nitro and figured that Nitro was a
giant pile of pooooooo compared to the fat ass hot streak they were on,
and a LOT did really suck it hard, but some stuff was pretty good. I
thought that Kevin Nash as pencilboy was certainly gonna be putting the
kibosh on the really long weekly Cruiserweight they had been
establishing since he hates me and all it seems, but then I went back
and realized that they gave Eddy vs Kidman 12 minutes if you count the
commercial break, so I stand corrected. This match was pretty Nitro
great. Kind of a throwaway with a Dusty-channels-Vince screwjob but a
lot of cool stuff up to it. Eddy gets all lucha as a mofo in this and
Kidman is happy once again to be in with one of the Greatest Workers In
The World. Rey and Kidman conspire against Juventud and Eddy and the
rest of the LWO chase Billy and Rey at a dead sprint and I was loving
it. If this leads to Eddy and Juventud as a tagteam Ima blow a gasket
because of All The Awesomeness that could proceed. Rey and Kidman would
be pretty fricking great also. I'm all for this kinda stuff, though it
needs to get less screwy real quick if they want to kick in the
coolness.
Booker T goes even DEEPER into my heart by FEARLESSLY bumping like a
motherfudger for Secret Good Worker Mike Enos. I loved the hell out of
this even if Booker T's signature spots are getting real old real
quick. Enos is starting to rule it as he is not afraid to supply the
glue that holds all of his matches together.
The TRUE Dusty finish of the Windham vs Malenko match wasn't so
horrible because it was a gimmick match to set-up a MUCH worse gimmick
match so I wasn't prepping for Misawa vs Tsuruta or anything. The
saving grace was the Horseman beatdown of Windham because it was too
Bill Wattsian to argue with. Windham looked good and the inevitable
Benoit vs Windham match to set up Windham vs Flair could be good if it's
a Texas Deathmatch and Benoit kills the living fuck out of him.
(RASMUSSEN gets all whispy and sensitive.) Haven't had a dream in a
long time.... seems the luck I've had.... could make a good man.... turn
bad................
Hey! The Armstrongs beats the angle called Kanyon and Raven! Ahhh...
WHO GIVES A SHIT!
Big Poppa Pump is the new leader of the nWo. Well first-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And now Some Analysis: The BIG
downside of Hogan retiring is that morale is WAY up for the guys who
want to move up a slot as the vacuum of Hogan is being filled. Nash is
peppy. Hall is trying to pretend that he knows how to work. Luger is
feeling the urge to make a move as he tries to be interesting the last
two weeks. The upside of having Hogan around was that the MAIN people
he pissed off and on in WCW were these guys and they would pout and
whine and refuse to show up for TV tapings and would feign injury and do
other really GREAT things to keep their lousy, sorry no-working asses
off my fucking TV screen except for the random bitter "shoot" interview-
thus leaving huge gaping amounts of time that had to be filled by the
lower card guys who could...you know...WRESTLE. Now ALL these
Near-Top-of-the-Card guys want to take over the company so you can't get
these choades off the goddam screen so you get the simply horrible Scott
Steiner doing a REALLY hideous heatless interview AND we get the
pleasure of seeing him suck dead goats in the ring. Then Hall comes out
and gives a big long interview! I AM KEVIN NASH and this is the Kevin
Nash celebrity roast AND I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE MY GARDENER, SAMMY!
"Thanks, Kev. When I first broke into the business, the big landscapers
tried to keep my down. I was watering hydrangas on the wrong side of
the track, cutting lawns on the side- BUT that's fine, a gardener has to
pay his dues and I was still pretty green. Then Big Sexy saw talent in
me that the others didn't see and made me a Superstar in the gardening
community...."
Konnan beat Jericho for the TV title. I have no problem with this
except that Konan is a REALLY horrible, useless, shitty, terrible,
awful, shitty wrestler who can't go more than ONE WHOLE MINUTE without
keeling over like me Saturday running back a kickoff. Ahhh! But I've
got an excuse. I work at a desk all day and RULE at my job. Konan is a
pro wrestler and SUCKS at his job. Does he smoke four packs a day or
something? Hell, Fred Biletnikoff smoked a bunch of cigarrettes on the
FRICKING SIDELINES and he wouldn't be sucking air like a pussy like
Konan does in ANY match he's been in. Jericho- on the other hand-
though it was trendy to say that his ringwork had declined which is a
big lie if you actually watch his matches from the last six months- was
WHITE HOT as a worker while he was holding the TV title and was
progressing to the freakin SUPERworker phase of his career as he was
matching his Dynamic Micwork with the ability to have watchable matches
with shitty workers like Stevie Ray and really deliver the goods when in
with anybody else. Jericho had TWO great TIME LIMIT DRAWS. Konan has
two options if he wants match that- reduce the fifteen minute TV time
limit to...say... four minutes or he can get REAL 'BOUT IT 'BOUT IT with
an oxygen tent in the ring. Konan sucks the paint off and should have
no belt forever. Maybe incorporating one minute rounds....
Wrath really beats Bobby Blaze really quick. The upside to no Nitro
report for last week was that it DOES keep one Wrath streak alive.
Wrath made it into the worked column in my mind with his match with Nash
last week. He doesn't this week.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
Lex and Bryan Adams mix it up for a while, weather a TERRIBLY shitty
looking screwjob and get all the way to the finish! Bryan Adams was ALL
over New Japan the last couple of months and I respect the hell out of
the drug-and-gun-running felon for TRYING to crawl out of his cesspool
of suck that he is passing off as a pro wrestling career- what with
getting DDT right on his head by Shinya Motherfu**ing Hashimoto and
stuff. Poor Bryan! That ain't Yamazaki you're in with and THOSE sure
as hell aren't real clotheslines. Welcome back to the WCW heavyweight
division where only Bret Hart can carry you. And that's REALLY not BRET
HART you're in with! Poor poor Bryan.....
Nash and Hall wrestle Horace Boulder and Scott Steiner. A little
Analysis: Nash and Hall wrestle Horace Boulder and Scott Steiner.
Bret Hart should be going over DDP CLEAN AS A MOTHERFUCKING SHEET. He
is Bret MOTHERFUCKING HART! He is the best heavyweight in North
America. DDP is a journeyman wrestler who can get inspired and have a
great match if the situation is perfect (Savage, Benoit, GOLDBERG).
Putting Bret Hart SHOULDN'T cost ANYONE ANY heat, but US wrestling sucks
that way. Of course, one can say that putting Shawn Micheals over clean
wouldn't hurt anyone's heat, so I guess there is only so much bitching
and whining I can do.
Benoit was there. PUTTING HIM IN THE GOLLDAMN RING, YOU IDIOTS!!!
There you go.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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