Happy New Year! The King of the Death Matches is WWF World ChampioN! Fuck Tony Schiavone!
Ok, so for a few minutes I thought there was a hot new chick in the
WWF because who doesn't, and this is a shoot, like a gut on a girl?
Yeah, this is all pretty transparent but Mark Henry sold it like a
king giving himself his biggest bump ever. I liked this all enough
to forget about the real crappy Goldust match.
Brian Armstrong is having good hardcore title matches and Al
Snow was no exception. Snow looked good for the first time in
forever, and they did all that hockey Al Snow in the snow stuff.
I liked how they worked this one, giving it enough time to all
play out. A lot of cool garbage spots too, loved the toilet paper
and dead plants. And in hindsight, saving Road Dog's STICK work
for the main event was pretty keen.
3H vs. Mankind was a sucky short match but it all led to great
stick work and isn't *that* what Dean has been saying all along?
Rocky did a funny Slam Jam promo. And Lawler said schmozz.
I liked Kane vs. the Stooges more than I would usually dig a Kane match
because I love seeing vets take old school bumps. Kane still sucks but
he hasn't feuded with Undertaker all year so I didn't totally hate
him this week.
Mankind vs. The Rock was a real mother fucking title change. You know
how in Wrestling With Shadows Bret Hart kept saying that wrestling is
more real than you think? This is what he was talking about. This one
had it all (well, except for technical wrestling, a clean finish and
a weed whacker) from beginning to end: great angle, hot crowd, super
storyline, psychology, bumps, internet hype! Really, Mick's honest
dedication of the fight to his kids was number one and the best. And
that's what I mean about it being real. He didn't run around the ring
like a kid because it was in the script. He meant it when he said that
it felt really good. This is the only title change I think I've ever
marked out for since I learned everything there is to know about
pro-wrestling. And the little things, like Austin giving him the win
and popping the house without stealing any of Mankind's heat, and
looking happy for him, DX and Road Dog putting him over huge, and
Billy Gunn doing the single best timed spot he's ever done knocking
out Ken Shamrock. Hell, all it was really missing was Jim Ross.
Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon made enough of their verbal sparring
to keep me watching and I was all set to say that it worked but then
Mick Foley raised the bar with an awesome interview and they ended up
here.
Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman weren't up for it this week and weren't
all bad but throw in the going nowhere Dad Severn angle and I say no.
I would have bumped Edge vs. D-Lo up a notch because they wrestled
clean for more than three minutes and D-Lo has some awesome powerbombs.
Edge would be wise to shape up or ship out the plancha. Yeah so anyway,
there was this really bad finish which I can't get out of my mouth so
this DIDN'T WORK. The Terri Runnels miscarriage angle was bad for more
than one reason, if you will. I mean, besides the utter tastelessness
of it was Terri Runnels' pained screeching. One can only feel so sorry.
Godfather is over like super glue and he and Test did something with
their allotted time and there were, like, 4 hos just hanging around
looking for a guy like me, but somehow it was too little too late to
save it from the inevitable non-workingness of a run-in DQ.
Hey, Curtis Iaukea is coming to the WWF!
Ollie
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