Hi! I usually do the Nitro Workrate report for this page. I never watch or tape RAW because it's more irritating than Nitro and it never shows the Hardy Boyz. Actually, it's really so partisan. I've only got two VCRs and I ain't watching Nitro in real time but they always stick two or three MUST SEE matches on an average Nitro so that gets the free VCR. The other VCR is so I can watch all those Puerto Rican Death Match Tapes that I have laying around. My wife reads books and stuff on Mondays because there's nothing on TV on Monday so I have FREE REIGN! But enough about my domestic bliss. Ollie wanted a change of pace so we switched this week and noone can say that I don't do my part for North American bipartisan harmoniousness. Of course, Ollie gets Kidman vs Misterio and I get Ray Traylor vs Dennis Knight in a cage. But I kid the RAW, there was some fine, fine wrestling on this show and I await next weeks return to the slight irritation between matches of Nitro but the REAL sad thing is that I'LL NEVER GET TO TALK ABOUT MENG's PANTS FIRST. GODDAMMIT!

That Intercontinental match between Val Venis and Jesse James Armstrong had a real New Japan Juniors feel to it- in that it was three minutes of televised finishers. The upside is that you can always get the whole match on Samurai TV or on a Commercial tape so I gotta see how the actual match between these two was. Oh wait... Anyway, Armstrong has that whole Dusty Rhodes in the Ring thing down- in that he's funky and stuff. As for the whole American Dream Sports Entertainment package, to really pay homage and to be as COOL as Dusty Rhodes was- in the Sports Entertainment sense, it would would mean that he would have to get all cryptic and biblical in the content of his interviews and study the Southern Baptist Preacher diction that all the great Southern Wrestling interviews drew from. Dusty sucked in the ring, but he was as compelling as Ric Flair when he was on an oratory roll. Until JJA achieves that, he'll have to live with simply being 400 times better in the ring than Big Dust ever was. Not that that means a whole lot.

The "Hardcore" match was pretty good. Bob Holly is the WWF example of above average (as opposed to the fact that if he were in WCW he'd be known as "that guy who isn't as good as Scotty Riggs or Jerry Flynn") but he isn't afraid to bump his ass off at points in this. Bad Ass Billy Gunn acquits himself nicely by not pussing out of every bump like other guys in the WWF have been known to do against Mankind in main events. The match built quite acceptably to some spots that were all done well (though Gunn sold a fat ass chairshot like a Dudley and Holly sold a foule like it was as intense as a knife-edge at one point). This wasn't a "hardcore" match in the narrow sense of the word because there was no blood and no puncture wounds and nobody was set on fire or thrown into exploding barbed wire or anything big and dangerous and fun like that. This wasn't "hardcore" in the broad sense of the word- in that it wasn't so wrestling-based that the casual fan couldn't take all the wrestling and would go screaming back to Melrose Place. It WAS a good little match on free TV and Bob Holly is underrated a little. Plus the lack of fruit help. Perfectly acceptable professional wrestling and I'm glad I saw it.

The Main Event is strangely indicative of the talents of Steve Austin and Mankind. This match was offensively pedestrian and as UNspectacular as humanly possible, with no real bumps until the end, no highspots, with just heaps of basic US Pro-style wrestling. The thing is that of the four, TWO of these wrestlers.... STINK!!!!!!! Wight and Maivia are two of the worst wrestlers on the face of the earth today and the fact that this match was pretty entertaining is a DIRECT indication that Austin and Foley are REALLY great fucking wrestlers. Working off the Southern Tag motif, Mankind assumes a less high-flying version of Ricky Morton. They tease the entrance of Wight and save Austin's entrance to build tension- thus the fact that the crowd really likes Foley and he's getting his ass kicked AND the fact that they REALLY want to see Austin after the hot tag (as opposed to ANYONE to save the beloved face- the premise of the usual RnR style match) works DEEPLY in favor of the psychology of the match as the usual Rock and Roll Express match has the Most Over Robert Gibson In The History Of The World sitting on the apron. When it went full-blown slobberknocker, the teasing of the Rock's and Austin's finishers was a cool touch. Austin is still a great wrestler even if he is limited physically these days. He can work a match with total loads like Miavia and Paul Frickin Wight and make it good- who the hell can say that? And that WAS mostly Austin. Foley can bump a match to greatness, but he didn't bump it in this one. Foley was a conduit to getting Austin to the ring in the most heat-garnering way and thus helping make the match fundamentally rock solid, and he used his fundamental knowledge of how to work a match to get the match poised for Austin to kick in the psychological heavy lifting. Vince Russo should shut his stupid fucking mouth. WWF has good wrestlers and if they let all of them wrestle like they did in this match, I'd actually watch their product. But I'm about as uncasual as your going to get, so I don't see my veiws reflecting the reigning veiws in Titanland.

Big Boss Man and Midian had a cage match. It really sucked. Why the cage? What was the point? Sports Entertainment rears it's ugly head and the decide to have An Angle Wrapped In A Cage! This goes from shitty wrestling in a cage to a shitty wrestling angle in a cage- but you may go "DEAN! The angle stopped a shitty match, shouldn't you be HAPPY!?!" Okay, part of me said that too. Another part of me said, "HEY! Big Bossman might get superplexed off the cage again! And I'd get to watch!" Nope, nope, nope, and nope. Hellooo stinky! Midian needs to never darken my TV screen ever again.

Hey! It's Shane McMahon wrestling. He's gonna be wrestling Shawn Waltman. Thus Waltman is NOT wrestling Matt or Jeff Hardy or Gangrel or Owen or anybody else that could have a good match with their best worker. Hell, if I was a regular watcher of this crap, I'd be happy to see Waltman vs LOD Patterson or Brisco. Y'all tell me how this innovative sports entertainment angle plays out on pay-per-view! I'm sure it's gonna really BREAK ALL THE RULES!

JESUS CHRIST! I suffer through years of Nitro Workrate report misery having to watch shitty slabs of crap like the Giant, Jeff Jarrett and the Public Enemy and now here they are AGAIN! On my TV! My mind SHRIEKS in horror! Poor Owen. This sucked as much anything these three ever did in WCW. Luckily, the WWF figured out that if you trot out a true stinkburger like this one, hedge your bets and keep it under two minutes so I thank the Gods of Sports Entertainment for that... Hey wait! Val Venis and JJ Armstrong can actually kinda work and they get the same amount of time. Boy, RAW sucks.

HHH and Kane were gonna have a match which would have sucked, I'm guessing, but Vince McMahon's family was being kidnapped by the Ministry of Darkness so he needed Kane to talk to his brother so they won't force Stephanie McMahon to join the Symbiotic Army and rob banks and stuff. Gee, Vince call the ATF- they'll fix your problem, remember the Branch Davidian... okay, maybe Kane IS your answer. But NOOOOO! Kane is the UNDERTAKER! What a SWERVE! What'll Vince do about the CULT abducting his daughter on TV!?!?! What's HHH TO DO!?! Well, HHH ain't wrestling and that's what I watch this shit for so to hell with this crap.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

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