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The "I Claudius" miniseries drinking game

 
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tdcheetah



Joined: 27 Jul 2006
Posts: 487
Location: The Cheetah's Lair (aka Clarendon VA)

PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 4:00 pm    Post subject: The "I Claudius" miniseries drinking game Reply with quote

Since John and I both grew up with this BBC classic...

from http://www.sepulchritude.com/suffer/volumethree/claudius.html

Quote:
Suggested Beverage: Wine, of course. Red wine. When in Rome, do as the Claudians do. if you must refrain from red wine for some reason (i.e., you're the designated charioteer or something), of course, the game can be played with another beverage but, for Jove's sake, try to use a goblet or chalice for it!

QUANTITY: It nearly goes without saying that one must drink a GREAT quantity during this game, but in order to save YOU the trouble of running to market after each episode, here is the following breakdown:

During two afternoon sessions, one of 6 hours and the other of 7, in which the first session had 2 participants and the second had 3, we drank three bottles of wine (red) during session #1, and 5 bottles during session #2, for a total quantity of 8 bottles for the entire marathon, with a rough breakdown of approximately 2.67 bottles of red wine consumed by each participant throughout. So there.

For each "quaff count" below, quaff the wine like the characters do at their banquets -- a decent swig. No dainty little sips like you're afraid your wine might be poisoned or something.

1 quaff for:

* Banishments in General
* Executions in General
* Suicide in General
* Adultery in General
* Orgies

2 quaffs for:

* Murders & Assassinations in General
* Poisonings in Particular
* Incest
* Omens and Sibyls

3 quaffs for:

* Assassinations/Poisoning of Emperors (w/accompanying appropriate food if poisoned-- see below)
* Banishment of Julia
* Starvation of Livilla
* Livia Becoming a Goddess
* The Winner of Messalina and Sylla's Contest

Many quaffs (drain that goblet!) for:

* That --uh-- thing Caligula does at the end of Episode 9 "Zeus, By Jove" (we don't want to give it away if you've never seen the series before.)
* "Not my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Eat a Fig for:

* Poisoning by Fig

Eat a Mushroom for:

* Poisoning by Mushroom

Optional:

* Hum "Let's Do the Time Warp Again" at the first appearance on screen of Livilla and of Nero
(Agrippinilla's son -- don't be thrown off by the many other characters who have Nero tacked onto their name somewhere) You deserve ten gold stars for knowing why.
* Yell "Make it so" at Sejanus at some point.
* Brandish Boiled Asparagus for: You'll know.


Have to substitute something else for the red wine [Diet Dr. Pepper?], but maybe Crow can try this on his next vacation? :)


Lee
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jdw
Site Admin


Joined: 01 Sep 2005
Posts: 16967

PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:44 pm    Post subject: Re: The "I Claudius" miniseries drinking game Reply with quote

That was a hoot. :)

tdcheetah wrote:
Have to substitute something else for the red wine [Diet Dr. Pepper?], but maybe Crow can try this on his next vacation? :)


I would need to get vaction on the boards first, dear. ;)

And to drink that much, it would have to be something that goes down a bit easier. DP (both diet and non-diet) are sipping sodas rather than chugging sodas. Would probably have to alternate something like Mt. Dew and some orange flavored sodas (Sunkist or Crush) or grape (Welches) and perhaps some root beer (A&W).

But if we're going to watch 13 hours of stuff, I think there's a certain trilogy we could torture each other with. ;)


John
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Frank_Jewett
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Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Posts: 1282

PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take 1 drink every time you see a shot from a circling helicopter

Speaking of which, whatever happened to the theory of audience or character POV in cinema? Attention Peter Jackson: I am not a fucking sparrow, nor are any of your characters flying in this scene, so why the fuck am I seeing this scene from a Goddamned helicopter? It makes no fucking sense!

But I digress... ;)

Take 1 drink every time another audience member goes off on a similar rant. Note: Avoid using alcohol if watching these films with me or JDW.

Take 1 drink every time Peter Jackson uses tricky angles to try to make characters look much bigger or much smaller than they actually are. Note: Most films and television shows have characters of differing heights, however their directors don't jerk off by constantly shooting them from above or below as if the home audience was constantly growing or shrinking from cut to cut. The camera is a surrogate for the viewer you fucking asshole!

Whoops. Take another drink. :p

Take 2 drinks every time you hear a fanfare of trumpets or other horns.

Take 3 drinks every time you see that broken sword. Damned thing must be the key to the whole series. Aragorn's answer to the one ring, or something.

By the way, was the significance of the sword ever explained in the movie? Was there any update between shots of the broken sword and the sword suddenly showing up to win the big battle at the end?

Jackson's movies were such shit that I confess to ejecting on parts of them, particularly the interminable battle scenes. No economy.

Frank

(Getting a hangover just thinking about it.)
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